I feel that before launching into the World Race I should give you a little of my background for context. I became a Christian at about 3 years of age and really went for it. I remember leading neighbor friends through the salvation prayer, baptizing my cousins in my grandparents kiddie pool, and dancing around the house praying in tongues all around the age of 6-7.
Then, like many before me, I let the cares of the world get to me. I started listening to what others had to say about me to find my identity and gradually God’s voice faded more and more. I knew he was always there but it didn’t feel like it. I became a very fearful person and hit my perception of rock bottom a few times before getting desperate enough to stop trying to live life on my own. But the amazing thing is that each rock bottom- depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks, addiction- each time God wriggled his way into my heart and got me out of the pit. Each time it was him that gave me the strength to walk away and never turn back, even though he knew I was about to fall into something else.
Then one night at a youth group I casually attended (I was 15), he broke through the final barrier to my heart. He broke through all the lies, all the darkness, all the fear and crap and got to ME. And I just KNEW in the pit of my stomach that things had to change and I had to do something about it NOW. Like I said, I got desperate. I walked up to the pastor’s wife and started balling my eyes out, confessing every sin I could think of and praying for God to change me- restart me.
It’s been a long process but he’s brought me to a place I never thought I would be at. Building a relationship with God has given me a foundation to stand on and now I can go through life walking in his spirit. He gave me my mind back, my personality back. He brought ME back (the me he designed me to be that is). I used to feel like a dead girl walking, like I wasn’t really there. I was terrified of being in large groups of people. I was afraid of a lot of things. But now I love people, like really love them from the depths of my heart. And I love change and new things and hearing others perspectives and working as a team. It’s the craziest thing.
Sometimes it’s hard to believe I was who I used to be. I feel completely different and my perspectives have changed drastically. I hope this doesn’t taint your opinion of me from the get go but it’s better to get the skeletons out of the closet before starting such an important endeavor. Honesty is important to me so I plan to be pretty straight forward about whatever’s going on through the duration of this blog. I’ve still got plenty of areas God’s working on (or will be soon enough) and this journey’s barely started. I don’t plan on being perfect til I’m dead… But you’ll hear more about what’s going on now soon enough.
Thanks for reading 🙂
