What can I say?
My mind is swirling with countless thoughts I could share with you all. Thoughts about our ministry, the amazing people we’ve met this month, what God’s doing in Malaysia, what God’s doing in me, what I wish God was doing in me. The list goes on…
Over the course of the Race I’ve thought up dozens of blog titles, started poems, songs, spoken words, and blogs with the intention of sharing them with you. Sometimes I even finish them and for one reason or other leave them in a folder on my computer and move on.
It’s not that I don’t want to let you all in on the process. I originally intended to write a blog or 2 every week on the Race. And I certainly have enough words to do that. It’s also not that I’m being lazy and simply don’t feel like sharing more often.
I just don’t know HOW to let you in on what’s going on anymore.
Words aren’t enough. Pictures can only scratch the surface. No matter what I do I can’t bring you here.
This feeling really hit home a couple weeks ago when I found out my parents won’t be able to come to the Parent Vision Trip. I understand the need to follow what God’s telling you and I whole heartedly believe in being obedient to that. But I wanted them to come so bad. I wanted to share what I’m doing and experiencing with someone back home. And I wanted them to get a piece of what God’s doing.
Because as you’ve probably heard a million times by now, these 7 months have been the most difficult, heart-wrenchingly painful, God-filled, joyful, rewarding, full of life, and just full 7 months I’ve experienced thus far in life.
I’m determined to write something that will help you see that. Because I can’t keep this to myself. I’ve changed too much. I’d had too much healing, revelation, and growth to not let you in on it.
God has provided SO completely. When I didn’t know how God would provide for the next financial deadline, God dumped it into my Race account. (And now I’m fully funded- What?!) When I fell and hurt my arm He made sure I missed the artery and nerves- He held my arm so that it fell 1 inch above critical territory. When I’ve felt like I was going to explode because my mind is spinning like a hamster wheel that never stops, God has brought squad mates who’ve talked and cried and prayed through all the crud. Or He’s sat with me personally and just been there with me instead of telling me how He’s going to fix me. When I’ve felt carefree and silly He’s brought friends to laugh and talk about all kinds of ridiculous things with. When I’ve been called on to speak or sing, He gives me words to say. When I’ve had convictions about big choices He’s supported me and pushed me to make the choice, even if I don’t know for sure it’s the right one.
And every step, He’s brought the most amazing people along for me to share my story with. I get to pour out all the goodness He’s shared with me and encourage the people I come in contact with each month. I’ve met teachers, construction workers, ministers, children of all ages, nurses, doctors, shop owners, college students, entrepreneurs, adventurers, and people who’ve had so many grand titles I don’t know how to describe them to you. And I’ve gotten to hear some of their stories which has strengthened my faith, challenged how I live, and altered the course of my trajectory.
I’ve gotten to see the beauty of how we’re all on the same journey, just taking different paths.
I’m still not even scratching the surface of what I want to say.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, words are hard. I’m eventually going to get them out the way I want, or at least the way God wants. I’m going to figure out how to share life with you all, even though we’re at all different places on the planet.
Maybe this all sounds out of the blue to you. I mean, I have been blogging a little each month. It’s true that God has a way of getting what needs to be said out there.
I just want you to know that I am still trying to connect, even when you don’t hear from me.
I’m still fighting for you all, even if I’m not with you.
So have a blessed day. Know that I’m in your corner. Let me know if there’s any way I can pray/ fight for you.
Love ya’s~
