These past couple of months I’ve been learning a lot about worth, my worth to be specific.
When I was 15 I decided that no matter what the future held I wouldn’t give up on God again. I never stopped believing in God but I didn’t always believe He would pull me through what I was struggling with. Ever since then I’ve held the belief that I’m worthy because of Jesus. I am good because He is in me. And as I grow and get closer to Him, I will become more good.
The only problem with that concept, which I didn’t realize until recently, is the underlying view I held of myself. I didn’t think I was good (cause you know, we’re sinful creatures and all that). I didn’t think I was worthy, just by myself. Life was about God chipping away the “bad” parts of me and filling in those gaps with more of Him. It was about praying through my desires and dreams (because if it comes from me it’s probably wrong), laying down the ones that weren’t guaranteed to be His and coming in line with ones that I could validate were from Him.
I was a bit off base.
You see in the beginning of mankind’s time on earth God created us “good.” And not just good but “very good.” We are worthy just as we are . He created us worthy of His love and goodness and everything just as we are. Jesus died and rose again, came to Hell and back because He considered us worth it.
So that means I’m worthy too. I am good. I am worth it.
And there’s nothing I can do to make myself more worthy. There’s nothing I can do to make myself less worthy. And the more I believe it, the more I’m beginning to live like I’m worth it.
I’m still in the beginning stages. I still feels easier to trust other peoples opinion and be confident in what God is telling someone else over what I’m hearing Him say. It still feels easier to believe lies when truth means a lot of hard work. It’s still unnerving to come face to face with guilt and shame and all the negative feelings and trust God enough to press into it when all I want to do is shut it down and run.
But for the first time I’m starting to believe in ways I never have before. To believe that I’m worth the promises God’s whispered in my ear. That I’m worth a husband who will love me well and treat me as an equal. That I’m worth a bunch of wonderful children who will be mine. That I’m worth being paid in a ministry occupation. That I’m worthy of all the dreams and desires I’ve longed for but never thought could really happen for me.
That I’m worth it. That I’m worthy- me.
Maybe some of you have had similar struggles. Whether you’ve had victory in this area or are still struggling I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Love,
Katie
