God, make me vulnerable. Give me the grace and the courage to tell people what I really feel and to let them in on what I’m really going through. I know that you see my efforts and you are taking me farther than I could ever go on my own. Thank you for not expecting me to know all the answers. Thank you for not expecting me to never mess up. Thank you for taking all my failures and my broken pieces and creating a masterpiece.
That’s my prayer tonight. My bedtime prayers have looked like this a lot lately. I lay my head down at night and it’s almost as if I am putting on a pair of glasses that lets me see all the ways I neglected to share what God is doing in my life with others. I keep finding myself telling people what they want to hear when they ask me questions about The World Race. I am so thankful that I serve a God that isn’t dependent on my words to save people. I am so thankful that he can use me even though I fall short.
The truth is, I told someone the other day about my World Race trip and at the end I realized that I only mentioned God once. In my entire conversation, the whole reason for my trip was only mentioned once and it was done casually. I walked away so ashamed. I was so embarrassed that I was afraid to tell someone that this trip involved God. I told them all about how I would be doing volunteer work and about all the cool things that I would be able to do, and I neglected to glorify God’s name in it. Don’t get me wrong, my only reason for going on this trip is because my God sets people free and I know there are so many hurting and desperate people around the world who need to know my God, but I was so afraid to tell them that.
When I went to the Dominican Republic, I would pray over so many people and I wasn’t embarrassed or ashamed. Because going to a foreign country where no one knows who you are and no one speaks the same language makes it so much easier to tell them about God. Most of the time you aren’t expecting anything you say to them to affect them because they won’t understand you. You are relying on God’s spirit to move and for him to make himself known.
The real challenge is here in your hometown. To tell your friends and family and anyone you meet about God is a million times harder because you risk your family and friends and city thinking you’re a fool. But man oh man, do I want to be a fool for God. That’s why I am on my knees begging him to make me vulnerable. I imagine that conversation would have looked so much different if I would have told them that for the next year of my life I will be telling every person I see about God’s love and how it continually saves me.
God gave me such a good window to tell someone about his love and I completely missed it. I failed as a messenger for him, but he didn’t need me. That’s the beauty of my failure. Even if I had the most beautiful, eloquent, and thought out response, I still couldn’t have brought that person to God. He can still use the words I spoke to show that person his love. But I do pray that the next time God gives me an opportunity that I won’t be afraid to use his name, because there is power in his name.
I keep finding myself falling short as I prepare for this mission trip. I have thought to myself over and over again “I am in way over my head.” But in-over-my-head is right where I am supposed to be! I have put myself in a position where day in and day out I have to rely on God taking me to where I need to be. I am in a time in my life where I can’t make it through the day without falling on my knees in prayer and begging for God to come through.
So tonight I want to encourage you to put yourself in a position that makes you uncomfortable, I want you to jump off the dock. Let yourself be following God’s will so hard that you feel as if you are so in over your head. When you are drowning in the water, you have no choice but to let God jump in and save you! So do the thing that he’s asking you to do, use the divine-appointments God is giving you because even if you completely fail at it, he can still use it. You will find yourself so much closer to God if you don’t give yourself room to run away from him.
I have devoted a year of my life to doing missions work, and this week I failed miserably at being a missionary. I am in way over my head. But when all is said and done, God is going to be given glory. Because he is going to use my lack of skills and he is going to use my failures to bring people to him. He doesn’t call the qualified, he qualifies the called. God is rejoicing at me jumping off the dock even though it looks like I’m drowning because I’m giving him room to show up.
“Those who leave everything in God’s hand, will eventually see God’s hand in everything.”
