Ok i am just going to free flow this blog- no spell check no proof read just a straight go with the flow blog. Most of the crew is worshipping with the kids in the neighborhood.. normally i am all for going out and being social but tonight i feel the Lord really calling me to stay in and check in with the outside world, since it has been well.. it seems like forever. However, i know forever is completely unrealistic so we shall just go with a month or so but in terms of WR time a month is a HUGE chunk of time.
I feel bad. REAL BAD about non blogging sooner however last month I don't even think i journaled and i tend to journal three or four times a day even if its just a sentence.. its still checkin in with pen and paper. So instead of analyze and giving you a play by play on what has happened… I will give you a few bullet points of what's going on in my head, where I am at spiritually, mentally, emotionally and all the other insider information that probably shouldn't be laid out on the internet. But yea, here it goes…
El Salvador was tough, real tough.. emotionally. It brought up a lot of old baggage, 13-15 of us shared a bathroom, and i finally discovered i had a parasite and that i actually had a reason to eat everything in sight.
Hondoras- never had any desire to go to Hondoras, the theme God laid on my heart to focus on was to just receive His Love. So honest to goodness, i tried my best i really did. You try and receive God's goodness and not feel guilty- every day. It is so hard, so rewarding and God is so good. He is so kind. I got to experience one of the most beautiful beaches – where I could go scuba diving and have monkeys steal my hand sanitizer. I got to be like an energizer bunny- i would rise around 630-645 take my morning dust jog with the Lord and devote the rest of time to ministry- go to sleep around 1030/11. I learned to cook for 40+ people, teach English to Honduran 5th graders – a dream of mine is to teach english in the peace corps.. and last but not least i created a cactus garden per say- being inspired by our contact to "free a tree." He said when he goes to bed, he asks himself, " am i spritually, emotionally, and physically exhausted?" I felt i should replicate that work ethic. I lived with 40+ other people, shared three (basically outdoor) bathroom stalls, and camped in my tent in the compound, some slept outside.
then
and traveled for forever ( AKA 4 days) to get to oradea, romania. ah. oh yea and
i have a new team- battle cry- thats our name. i feel like i need to get some war paint on and go pull a mel gibson in braveheart. but anyway thats neither here nor there. i am now in
ROMANIA- dun dun dun. Ok its late so this blog is a little quirky, but you know what, i am a little quirky- so its rather fitting for the moment at least.. rambling
ok so we are now in romania- its cold, my chacos no longer look appropriate or cool actually i am going to be honest real quick- when i first purchased my chacos i became very excited because i thought i would become "an authentic" hippy backpacker blah blah blah but now they just have a funk and they look rather out of place in romania. where the local's here dress rather snazzily, and have funky haircuts and amazing european jackets with fabulpus suede boots. my chacos are not cool here and i dont feel out of place . i am not lathering on sunscreen and instead bundling in my north face. i feel like a clean missionary (due to hot showers this month) praise Jesus but so unhappy. there is no reason to be unhappy here- i literally have all the amenities i could ever want, need have- clean water, hot showers, a washer, and getting to cook my own meals- yet something is missing. Not Jesus but something is missing. People here are much different than in Central America, and at times I smile at someone for fifteen seconds and they just stare unhappily at me- oppressed and i am trying to be ok with that. i cant force them to smile back, or be friendly and thats hard for me. i dont want to compare- however in hondorus the people would just laugh at me because my spanish was just ridiculous and maybe i was just happier there and this new culture, people, sense my longing to escape this farm land.
i want to be happy, i want to love where im at and i physically and mentally can not.
but right now- i am choosing joy because thats all i know how to do at the moment. i am clinging on to scripture, prayer, and trying to dive into my new team because right now i feel more alone than i have the whole race. and i just dont know why.
prayers for peace and discernment.
humbling moment- having to poop in a ditch. super classy, i know.
Let me grow in grace and in the knowledge of Jesus Christ- 2 Peter 3:18
