Choices were made here…
The World Race does not begin when you walk into the airport with a pack strapped to your back and another strapped to your front. No, no… It began long before when you were sitting on your bed in your room so full of excitement because you just found out that Adventures in Missions thinks you are emotionally stable enough to spend eleven months doing ministry alongside them (haha… I have them fooled jk).
In that moment you find yourself so excited for what is to come, nervous about all the things you have to do between now and then, and let’s be honest… you are wondering even then how the heck you are going to pack all your stuff in ONLY ONE bag (p.s. I leave in two days… and I still am not entirely sure).
I have found that this journey is something I have to choose into every single day. Every morning, the choice is there before me again… “Katie… are you going to press into the unknown resting in the knowledge that God will fulfill ALL His promises?”
It has been WAY harder to leave than I imagined… The Katie who sat on that bed almost a full year ago saw herself tossing some underpants and a camera in a bag, giving her family the peace sign and making a run for the plane. That Katie saw adventure and an awesome opportunity before her and walked right off the cliff fearlessly. I have no idea what happened to her… Because the Katie I am standing in right now is terrified.
Every morning I wake up and the knowledge that I have one less day to spend with the people that I love the very most around me sets in… I panic just a little bit… I am down to two days… Two days to say goodbye… and as I think these terrifying thoughts… I hear a voice whispering, “Katie… do you trust me? Do you trust me to take care of you? Do you trust that I will fulfill the promises I have spoken to you? Do you trust in my goodness… in my power… in my strength… in my provision… in my Love?”
In the weakest… silliest… most human… doubting Thomas voice I can muster… I reply, “I do trust you.”
The truth is I have all the same dreams as most everyone else… I want to grow up, fall in love, get married, travel the world with the fella taking pictures, find the place to settle down, raise some blonde babies, and finish out my life well with my own little family. I want to go home having loved and been loved so well. These are the desires of my heart.
His Words: “Katie, Learn to trust me with your whole heart. Abandon your desires, and I will fill your life with all the beautiful things I have for you. Let me love you. Katie, close your eyes, cross your arms and fall backwards into a year long trust fall. I will catch you every. single. time. Trust me.”
So here I am two days from leaving… giving up on my dreams and learning to trust the journey, the timing, the destination… all of it to my Savior.
All for now.
