It’s wedding season.
I knew when I left in September that I’d miss a few friends’ weddings. “A few” has turned out to be six, and missing those days has turned out to be one of the hardest things about the Race for me.
But I’m not missing out completely on all of the matrimonial celebrations. It’s wedding season in Nepal too.
Just this week, we’ve been to a wedding and an engagement ceremony. Our pastor officiated both, so we just tagged along; awkward white wedding crashers. We sat through sermons untranslated, and watched two awkward couples stare at the floor in their nicest clothes while everyone gathered around them to take pictures. Both were “pure” arranged marriages; the couples had only met a few times before. At the engagement, the groom-to-be presented gifts to his fiancée and her family. At the wedding, the bride and groom exchanged rings and grass garlands. These days lacked all of the expensive class of a Western wedding: no real flowers or silk ribbons, it was all colored paper and balloons that popped in the heat.
And in a strange way, the whole thing brought to mind what we’ve been learning on the World Race. As weird as it sounds, this year has taught us a lot about marriage… especially arranged marriage. Seriously. We got thrown together with people we barely knew, expecting to do life with them day in and day out. That kind of inescapable closeness teaches you a few things about commitment:
-If you don’t tell people they suck, they’ll just keep sucking.
To put it more politely, if you don’t approach people about things they do that bother you, it will always bother you. It’s a World Race buzzword: feedback. We do it often, and after 8 months, we do it well. It’s the most basic, Biblical, necessary, and unfortunately rare thing in any relationship. “Speak the truth in love.” That’s all. Speaking the truth is easy when someone annoys you; it’s the “love” part that takes a lot of work. It forces you to look at your own pride, your own reactions, your own heart. You’ll find that you need to change.
-Willingness to change is beyond crucial.
Feedback is pointless if you aren’t willing to be refined by what you receive and experience. I wrote about this in an email to a friend a few months ago: “Growth is a process of death and rebirth. When you’re taken out of your context, some things about you will disappear immediately, other things will fade, and others will be rock solid. The things in you that die probably need to die, especially if you are where you’re supposed to be. That’s been the hardest part of all these transitions for me. Letting those things die does feel like losing yourself. But when I do let go, I feel more like myself than before.”
–Even if you started it for the wrong reasons, stick it out for the right ones.
Each one of us will tell you a different story about how we ended up as part of The Q. Some needed a change from their careers, a few wanted the travel experience, and others simply wanted an escape. If you’ve ever been out of the country for a season, you know very well that the “escape” thing is a lie. Your personal issues just become amplified in the absence of your comfort and routine. Within the first month, most of us were thinking, “This is not quite what I signed up for…” With that thought, not everyone has stayed. Really, none of us “signed up for” half of the more difficult things we have walked through this year (like bus accidents and stomach parasites). But we did sign up. So we’ve stayed. I’m sure all of The Q would say it has been worth it.
The Q in Hyderabad, India last month
Last year, I read a World Race alum’s blog post about how, having finished the Race, she was “no longer afraid of marriage”. It seemed so strange that she had gained that from a mission trip. Where I am right now, nothing makes more sense. After this year, anything from friendship to parenthood seems manageable. Or as we’ve been shouting lately, “I can DO THIS!”
-Katie
“Happy Wedding” shoutouts to Elisha & Taylor, Christie & Scott, Erin & Jake, Rachel & Jeffrey. My heart is with you guys, and I can’t wait to see all the pictures!
