Just like most mornings here in Delhi, my team and I were sitting on the rooftop to worship. My iPod was hooked up to Tricia’s little egg-shaped speaker, and my travel French press mug sat in front of me. I tapped “play”. As the banjo riff started, I closed my eyes and took a sip from my mug.
Mumford & Sons and coffee. In that moment, something welled up in my heart–a memory of a front porch thousands of miles away, of faces I ache to see. I missed my friends. In that moment, my heart broke.
But it was not just for home. That moment only emphasized what I had, just minutes before, confessed to the girls with whom I sat on the rooftop:
I don’t love my team.
Or, to be a bit less dramatic, I have not been loving them well. I have been taking advantage of their presence, not pursuing them, not putting their needs before my own, not taking time to listen to what is on their hearts. This was not just a personal conviction; they have called me out on this. That kind of effort and pursuit is not something I’ve ever struggled with in my friendships at home, so why is it so hard here?
(and Mumford & Sons kept singing, where you invest your love, you invest your life.)
In the past 4 1/2 months I have woken up to, worked alongside, and shared every meal with the same five faces. The fact is, they have become more like family than friends. And with that I got lazy. Without even realizing it, I had started thinking, “They can’t leave, so I don’t have to pursue.” I had stopped outwardly loving them. That realization was more painful than any homesickness I could feel.
(the song played on, how fickle my heart…)
For just a short season of my life, I have been placed with this team. They have taught me things I never would have learned, told me stories I’ll never forget, and shared experiences that are beyond rare in this world. And in all seriousness, they are just amazing.
Samara is a brilliant artist and deeply in love with the Lord. She leads this team with a confidence in the Spirit that only comes from knowing what God can do. She has taught me to not take myself so seriously, and to seriously trust in the only one who won’t let me fall. And, she draws adorable robots on any blank surface available.
Erin is hilariously creative. Seriously, this girl can erase boredom faster than you can play a round of Bananagrams… which we were able to do in Kenya when she created letter tiles from an old tea box. Because of her imagination, we have learned more, done better ministry, and ended up singing Americana songs on the dusty street of a Cambodian market on Christmas Eve. She has taught me that God is always bigger than the box I have him in.
Amy is FUN: a little bit country, a little bit ghetto, and a lot of compassion. She’s a natural leader, and speaks with beautiful honesty. She thinks deeply, listens well, and gravitates toward “the least of these” in any given situation. She has made me a better listener. She has shown me that it IS possible to be a responsible adult, and still be childlike in heart.
Kelsie is my break from life. She never worries about the little things, but goes after the deep things of God with genuine passion. She dances. Her smile literally brightens my day. She watches Glee with me, and we laugh at all of the same things. With her, I have learned how to rest.
Sarah will surprise you. She has won “Quote of the Month” in my book since January; most of our team’s inside jokes are her one-liners. She carries wisdom and joy. Our conversations have helped me work through the more difficult things I’ve faced this year, both in the world and in myself. She doesn’t back down from hard questions. She challenges me to walk in peace and freedom.
Can you see how it broke my heart to realize my neglect of these women?
all of us with our squad leader Tricia: fun at the Taj Mahal on Monday
But how often have I done that at home: taken advantage of the presence of people in my life who are beautiful and intuitive and worthy of infinite Love? I thought all this as I watched each of them sing on the rooftop this morning.
(Awake my soul! You were made to meet your Maker.)
When God places people in our lives, we get to see Him a bit more clearly. They carry His presence, and we get to bask in it. Never take advantage of that, even (and especially) with the ones you get to be with every day. Diana and I sang this together just before I left for the Race: I don’t have a choice, but I still choose you.
Our teams will be changing at the end of this month, when The Q reunites for our Month 8 Debrief. I don’t know if the six of us will still be together in any combination. But for now, for the next two weeks, I will choose them.
-Katie
