Whether you noticed or not, I posted less blogs last month than I usually do. Part of this is to blame on the internet in Africa, but the main reason is because of my focus while on the World Race. Since I was called up to be a squad leader about three months ago, my perspective shifted from the monthly ministry to focus on the Team Leaders and the overall health of the team. True, I do spend my days ministering alongside the teams, but often when I’m “off the clock” my mind is racing about what’s going on with the squad, what I want to be happening, why isn’t it-or is it-happening, and then every once in a while I’ll escape to the upstairs dining room of a local Togo restaurant to put my thoughts down on paper. (Guess where I’m at?)
Except that what consumes my thoughts from when I wake up on travel days to before I go to bed each night can’t be put in writing. I can’t write about the personal conversations I have with my squad members that at times define my weeks and months. I can’t write about plans we have for future months in case they don’t actually come to pass. I can’t share the tough decisions we have to make with integrity as our guide, or the misunderstandings we have to swallow and say, “Thank You,” when we see a bigger picture that we can’t share. I can’t post what Katie, Jory, and I talk and pray about. I can say that we have to fight to find time to talk about ourselves and even each other, but so much needs to be left out in the best interests of our squad, its members, and in the name of honor.
I can talk about how so often we are honored by our squad mates, but it doesn’t feel right to put in names and details. I can talk about my desires for those we meet in each country, but saying, “I desire for _________ on our squad to walk in more freedom,” doesn’t seem appropriate. Even right now, I tried to convince myself that I can share more, and I started to type something, but I felt like somehow it would be dishonorable. As if, I have been entrusted with praises and prayer requests that usually I just need to sit on.
Transparency is something that we are striving to promote, but I’m realizing that timing is an aspect of discernment. It’s not usually the “what you say,” it’s also the “who to” and “when.”
More than anything I want to extend an apology to you, the reader, because I have done a poor job recently in bringing you along on this journey. Yes, I’ve posted pictures and shared interesting tidbits, but that’s not what this calling is about. I am blessed. It seems like every day I grasp some simple concept on a deeper level because of the experiences I’m having, but also because of the people I get to travel around the world with. It’s not because of me or how my brain works, but I’m believing more that because of how God uses people to bring glory to His name and the reality of this crazy lifestyle I get to live that I have things to impart. The time is now. If I continue to wait, the year will be reduced to a, “It was good. I learned a lot.” I can’t wait any longer.
