For the longest time my biggest struggle has been my own identity.
I spent most of my life walking in other peoples‘ shoes,
picking up their pieces,
collecting them in my heart and making them my own.
I always prided myself on my strong sense of empathy and my compassion for others. Little did I know I was drowning in it and slowly losing who God has really called me to be.
Confusion owned me, I felt rejected and alone, yet I had mastered the smile of all smiles and the appearance of being extremely put together on the outside. I thought this was a normal way of living.
Don’t let them see you break, cry, that you feel insecure.
Don’t let them know what is going on in your life.
You hate your job.
You resent your parents for hiding things from you.
You literally spend weekends picking your drunk, suicidal dad up off the floor.
You cringe when you walk into his apartment and see him passed out in bed with his gun on the table.
You are haunted by the authority of your ex-boyfriend.
You are plagued with thoughts of doubt, fear, uncertainty.
You cling to your independence because you think it
makes you stronger.
You are strong!
I was a stronghold in my family. I was a rock who everyone leaned on. I took on everyone’s responsibilities and burdens. My father is bipolar and struggles horribly with alcoholism and thoughts of suicide, my parents divorced, my sister and brother, younger and lost. Amidst all this I lost who I was. I was so quick to label everyone else, but when it came to myself I couldn’t. I had no clue. My worth was something I honestly couldn’t even consider.
I came to training a fortress of strength that was quickly broken and left in pieces on the floor. I caught a glimpse of who the Lord really is and He completely wrecked me, and everything I thought was normal. He took my life and turned it upside down.
Most importantly He revealed my true identity.
The Lord gave an incredible man of God, Dan, a vision for me as I walked through the woods on my surrender walk. His vision was me, dancing in a princess dress, joyous. The Lord spoke through him and said that I am beautiful and my beauty would spread. God spoke that I would take my love and joy and extend it to the nations. He declared that I was a gentle and compassionate woman and with these gifts I would touch the lives of many.
My spirit danced for joy during training. No really, I found myself dancing for the Lord without reservation in the middle of our worship one night.
He lifted me so high and I praised His name through my movement. I felt everything that had burdened me in the past pour out of me with each movement of my legs and arms.
I was a body of grace and the grace of the Lord was alive in me.
This was my heaven. As I danced with joy I was released and finally felt free. A beautiful woman of God, Jenny Brown, approached me when I had finished dancing and proclaimed “Thank you daughter for that gift of joy”. Precious was also moved to pray over me. She was given the words “red shirt”. I happen to be the only one in the room with a red shirt on. As she prayed she proclaimed that I had seen and felt the power of the Lord and in that I had been released and set free! She prophesized that I would be a strong warrior of the Lord and that I would be a leader in Him. The next day I became a team leader.
The Lord has stolen my heart and set me ablaze. He has confirmed all of His words and visions through His sons
and daughters that are walking this path with me. I am in Him and He is in me for eternity. He laid Psalm 118 on my
heart that night.
1) Give thanks to the Lord for he is good; his love endures forever
5) In anguish I cried to the Lord, and he answered by setting me free
Will You Spread His Kingdom with Me?
