It was on the National Mall when a precious Chinese pastor visited my team’s missions table that I knew. He knew no English and was visiting Washington, D.C. with a friend. There wasn’t anything really substantial or life-changing that was spoken in our short interaction. Yet I knew. As he walked away to visit countless other famous landmarks and memorials before heading back to his native country, I was literally shaking. God had spoken. Missions was for me. In what capacity, I did not know. Was I to be a full-time, career missionary or would missions just be one of my greatest passions, something that I would invest my life into, but not be my choice of vocation?
And from then on it was evident that God was preparing me. For years I have not been able to deny the overwhelming desire to give God a year of my life and to be a part of what He is doing all over the world. Even when seemingly well-intentioned people would encourage me to put it off until I was retired and “really had time” or to wait until I had my life figured out. Something in my heart did not resonate with that.
Well, here it is. I miraculously found out about The World Race. I applied. I was accepted. We leave in 1 month. 1 month! And as incredibly exciting and awe-inspiring as this is, I cannot deny that the voices of Doubt and Fear are threatening to drown out the still, small Voice of my Creator. The only real Voice that I am interested in hearing.
Are you sure about this? Did God REALLY call you to this? What if He didn’t and you go forward in it? What if He isn’t there to catch you?
What about my friend’s wedding…applying for graduate school…starting graduate school…establishing and getting ahead in a career?
Who does this? Dropping everything and having one month to prepare? What will I do when I come back? What if I don’t have a plan?
And the list goes on and on and threatens to overwhelm me. Threatens to paralyze me with fear and doubt as I cry out to God to be louder and more real than the thoughts raging through my head.
Be louder, Lord. Fight for me. I need You. I am desperate for You.
It is then that I remember He has already spoken. And His voice is the only one with true authority.
His Voice then gently washes over me…
“We will know by this that we are of the truth, and will assure our heart before Him in whatever our heart condemns us; for God is greater than our heart and knows all things.” (1 John 3:19-20)
“For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline.” (2 Timothy 1:7)
“But you are a CHOSEN RACE, a ROYAL PRIESTHOOD, a HOLY NATION, a PEOPLE FOR GOD’S OWN POSSESSION, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light…” (1 Peter 2:9)
Lord, teach me to fight!
