Training camp. Just two simple words that bring back a flood of memories and emotions that pound on my heart. Looking back, it seems like so much life was lived in a matter of 10 days. 10 days?! It honestly felt like years and seconds passed all at the same time. Attempting to put thoughts into words and feelings into sentences about all that the Lord did in those days seems unattainable, but Psalm 107:2 says “Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story”. There was absolutely redemption at training camp, so this is my story to tell…
When I first arrived for camp in Gainesville Georgia, I thought that I had this thing down. This thing of following Jesus, of training camp, of the race, of living out life the way I thought I should- and let me tell you, I was wrong. As the first few days passed I started getting all the feels. All of them. Excited, anxious, fearful, hungry, exhausted, doubtful…the list goes on. What happened was that I was trying to do this thing out of my own strength, but throw Jesus in there and try to wrap it all up like one big put-together package. But day by day the Lord completely unpacked it, then turned it around to something so much greater, like He so often does…
The first few days I was filled with so much anxiety that I became physically sick. Thoughts seemed to race through my mind constantly. “I can’t actually do this, I can’t leave my family for a year, my friends, my income, my food, my life..” I was so consumed with the “I” statements. What about me God? Why did you call me? But you see, in Matthew it says “For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it” (Matthew 16:25) I started to look at all my doubts, fears and anxiety- but perfect love casts out fear so why am I still fearful? Because I was focusing on finding my life on my own will. I was focused on trying to stay comfortable instead of living in the will of the Father, which is ultimately the only life I want to live. Because it is in His will that life starts! It is in His hands that I find my identity, my worth, and where I can begin to pour out love for others because He so wonderfully overflows His love in me. That is the life I want.
As the days went on, the Lord revealed strongholds in my life that I didn’t know I had. He revealed misperceptions that I had put on Him because of past hurts from others. He showed me that I was keeping Him at a distance. He ultimately showed me how much love He has for me- that I am His beloved daughter and heir with Christ.
The rest of the days at training were filled with team building activities and challenging scenarios (no specifics for all you future racers, you’re not getting anything from me!), and through all these activities and experiences a love for my squad, my team, and most importantly my Jesus was beautifully intertwined. I’ve always loved Jesus, but I can honestly say that I am in love with Him and all I can think about is how I can know Him more and how much He loves me as His daughter, and how much he loves his children (that includes you to whoever is reading this!)
The only thing I feel now as I get ready to go on the race is passion. I get the honor to tell people about Jesus. I have the privilege of partnering with the Holy Spirit and showing others how much they are truly loved by their Father.
The race isn’t made for one year of following Jesus from August to July and thats it. It starts now. Since I have been home I have seen so many opportunities to love the people around me, and I have seen the boldness in my heart to do so. Yes, I am so excited to go to the nations, but I am also excited to go out my door and love people in my home town… at my favorite coffee shop, with my friends, my family, the cashier at my grocery store. Its a lifestyle, not just a year long missions trip.
This is living now.
Thanks for letting my story be a part of your day,
~Katie
