“On April 27, 2017 I took my last international flight while on the race (excluding the flight that will take me home in less than a month and a half). That statement alone makes me feel like I typed something wrong. I guess everyone that told me this year would go by fast was right. Before landing in Haiti we had a quick 9 hour lay over in Fort Lauderdale, Florida…with just enough time to remember what it is like being an American citizen, and just enough time to give me a little bit more culture shock then I was expecting.
While on the plane ride over I had a multitude of thoughts… thoughts of Haiti, of it already being month 10 of my 11 month journey, and a few regrets about how much Chick-Fil-A I allowed myself to consume during the layover. However soon enough, the Haitian coast filled my airplane window. As I looked out all the thoughts spinning seemed to disappear and all I felt was an excited eagerness. Here we go. Its not over yet.
I somehow stumbled my delirious, unrested, and well… sleep deprived self through customs and onto the big yellow bus that would take me to my new home this month. Driving through the streets and passing the market place, I can honestly say I have not seen poverty like this anywhere else on the race, and in reality probably in my life. The markets were filled with mass amounts of people… all selling and buying, coming and going. There were trash bags of clothes to try and sell, mounds and mounds of produce piled on the ground, baskets, wood scraps, and not to mention the plastic, rubble, and trash everywhere. Women and men carrying heavy, heavy objects on their heads. And of course to top it all off the scent that fills every space which is a combination of it all with the special addition of “grey water” or sewage.
Painted trucks fly by known as “top tops” taking men, women, and children to work, school, home, shopping… everywhere. Giant semis are giving rides to either worker or nomad. And here I am feeling a part of it all as I look out the window of the big yellow bus. A part of it all, but still an outsider. Im used to that feeling though, Ive been the outsider for the past 10 months. But I don’t mind it so I just sit, and take it all in.”
… I wrote this in my journal at the beginning of the month. And now? Well I’m writing this blog sitting on the porch of what feels like home. I am still an outsider in a way, Im not Haitian and I definitely do not speak Creole, but I have family here now, friends. I know my favorite snack at the market and I know where to get the cheapest Coca Colas at the park. I am currently looking across the street and watching as my new friends who feel like brothers are playing a futball game, listening to the music that is coming from the trumpet downstairs from one of the kids practicing for the jazz band, hearing the girls downstairs in the kitchen laughing as they do dishes… and I am feeling like I am in a movie and this is the best part. The part near the end where mostly all the conflicts have been resolved and there is an unsurmountable peace and confidence about the main character. In her growth, her successes and failures, and her confidence in who she is and the relationships she has, and she had done the thing she wanted to do. Im not saying it’s over yet..theres still a few more scenes in this movie. And it took a while to get to this point. There were conflicts and conflict resolution, there were climaxes and plot twists. Slow moments and fast paced action. But I think it is important to take time and press pause every once and a while and reflect. You see in the middle of this journey I thought I wasn’t growing, that I had stayed the same. That I was doing great ministry and was having great experiences and my relationship with the Lord was growing but not as much as I had expected it to…I guess all the doubts that we are so quick to label ourselves with. But you see sometimes its hard to see the full picture. Scratch that it is always and mostly impossible to see the whole picture when you’re in it. When the movie is still playing. But as I pause I can see that somewhere along this whirlwind of a year, I started to become the woman that I have always wanted to be. One who is patient, grounded, and mature and yet fearlessly joyful. Confident not only in the Lord but herself. A woman who speaks truth even when its hard, and a woman who loves fiercely even when its uncomfortable. I still have got a long way to go, but I am thankful for the ability to take some time and recognize and celebrate the good work thats been done in my life.
So, to whoever is reading this…whether you have known me my whole life or you stumbled upon this page by accident, I challenge you to press pause. Pause the movie and take a minute to celebrate you, the people around you, growth or maybe to grieve over loss or hard things. To give thanks to the ways that the Lord has grown you and changed you, or maybe is inviting you into growth and change. Maybe you are right in the middle of something huge, if that’s the case press pause and take a breath… and keep going. You’ll get there.
Thank you to everyone who has made this journey so special, who has covered me in prayer and supported me in every way. & a special thank you for reading what I write and letting my stories be a part of your day.
Blessings.
xoxo Katie
