Now a phrase that has been said a lot around here is, “we are almost home”.
Home | hom |
n. The place where one lives permanently, as part of a family or household.
Well, there you have it, the dictionary definition. But my entire race the word “home” has been a word with many different meanings and contexts; most of which have been fluid, always changing, and over time the word became ever present.Every 26-31 days I packed up everything I had and moved to a different home. I learned to feel at home in the small village in the mountains of Lesotho or on the tile floor of a school in Vietnam. I felt at home as I made my bed in train cars, on bus cushions, airport floors, and people’s kitchens. I have felt at home in Swaziland when I would wake up a tinted shade darker because of the thin layer of dirt that had covered me during the night windstorms that always seemed to find their way through my tent. I have learned to feel at home with the people who made it feel that way. I feel as if I have extended family in 11 different (very different) countries around the world. This has been one heck of a year. But home to me is now a state of mind, rather than a physical place. This year the only consistent thing in my life has been God and He has become home, where I live permanently and where He lives permanently in me so I guess I am at home anywhere and everywhere.
Now, don’t misunderstand. My heart skips a beat when I think of seeing my family again, my friends, and of course my dog. I also would be completely lying if I said I haven’t been daydreaming about steak fajitas, guacamole, and hot showers for weeks.
The feelings and uncertainties that I am currently facing is what if when I get home, it’s not the same as when I left. Those things and comforts that I have been wishing for, might not be all that comfortable anymore? What if I want to go back home, but it is somewhere else.
Can I walk through my grocery store and not get flashbacks of the food I had this past year?
While I walk past the mounds of fresh produce and ready made meals when I know what its like living on an all carb diet for months on end… or when I know what the families look like around the world that have lack thereof.
Or drive in my car, when I know what it feels like to walk miles up and down mountains trails just to get your water for the day. Or take my hot shower, when I know what its like to make your breath leave you while you dump a bucket of freezing water on your head to try and get as much of the sweat and dirt mixture that has become a second skin.Or how can I go back to seeing my friends in loving relationships, when I have stood next to women in Thailand as they try to sell their bodies for a living. Or when I have seen the attitude in a little girl change just from the beginning of the month to the end and then find out why… that she was sexually taken advantage of by a man in their community so their parents could buy some more beer in their village. Or how can I ever look at a business man the same way at the mall and not think of the business men I saw around the world. The white American business men come to countries around the world and participate in the sex trade that keeps so many women in bondage. That keeps my friends in bondage.
I could go on, but the conclusion I think I have come to is this…
We live in a broken world, that is not a surprise to anyone. And yes the problems around the world may look different than they do in my community, but there is no place on this earth where life is void of all problems and hurts. Yes I have spent the year living in third world countries and am going back to one of the leading nations in the world when it comes to overindulgence and comforts, but I know people are hurting just the same… I may not see “home” the same way anymore. In fact it will be completely different. But then again, so am I. So I guess it is an even exchange.
What I do know is this. I am not just called to see the difference, but to be the difference.
I also know that just looking at the hurts of the world will not solve any problems, we must take an active part in trying to fill the cracks with the light that we have no matter how big or small it is.
“We’ll see your goodness in the land of the Living.”
I feel like I have fully lived this year. But it was not my doing, definitely not out of my strength, and the farthest thing from my plan. I learned lessons that I did not want to learn this year, ones that I definitely did not expect. God quickly took my expectations of what this year was going to be like and decided to do the exact opposite. BUT He gave me eyes to see Him in a completely new way, to live in a new way- a deeper and more abundant way. It was nothing like I imagined…and I couldn’t be more thankful.Yes, on this journey I have seen some of the worlds deepest and darkest hurts. BUT I have also seen some of the most beautiful, simplistic, and awe-inspiring moments of my entire life.
I have seen first hand the beauty and simplicity of relationship not only God but how it overflows into relationship with people. To share a meal with people that couldn’t have a more different life than yours but share stories, lessons, celebrations… there is nothing like it.
Or hearing people praise God in 11 different languages, in different nations, on different continents- thinking back on those memories I am completely filled with an awe and wonder.
Or seeing the joy that comes in making a playground for the neighborhood kids in a small mountain town, some that have never before seen one or anything like it.
Or how about that time that I simply told an elderly woman that she was precious in the eyes of the Lord (in the little Spanish I knew) and she burst into sobs because no one had told her that before – (and then of course my tears came shortly after). I often think back to that moment, an American 20 something and a Panamanian 70 something embracing without language or anything to keep us bonded except for the love of the Father.
I pray for her everyday.
These moments are what fuels me, recharges me, and makes my light shine a little brighter.
I am SO excited to come back to my hometown, but like I said before I’m not really coming “home” because I already am. And well, I hope I have the opportunity to invite you into my home. To live life with the people around me with abundance, joy, and a whole lot of grace. To help light the candle when it is growing dim from the winds of life, and well have mine lit in return so we can all shine a little brighter. Shine bright for ourselves, people around us, and shine through the cracks of life.
I am so thankful for this experience. I am so thankful to all of you for coming along on the journey this year. For supporting me with your prayers, your donations, your words of encouragement along the way- seriously I can never express the ways I have felt carried this year by the people who have supported me. I couldn’t have done it with out you. And on some of the hardest days where I wanted to give up, I would so often find a simple email, blog comment, or Facebook message that would completely turn my perspective around.. So THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU .
& Now, well its time to come home.
As always thank you for letting my story be a part of your day, and for the last time (at least on this website *hint hint*),
xo Katie
I will be back to my hometown in the beginning of July. I would love to see you, to get coffee with you, to pray with you, or to get donuts with you (really I’m not picky)! Even if I have never met you before, lets change that and just sit a while.
