As I write this there is a symphony of car horns, motor bikes, buses, and loud karaoke all coming together to form a melody that could possible keep me up for a few more hours…its all happening a few floors down; yet somehow, I feel in the very center of it. Ho Chi Mihn is a new world. Overwhelming? Yes. But, also wildly beautiful. Unfortunately though since arriving I’ve been focusing on the overwhelming part. It is as if my brain cannot process it all at once so it just puts it all together in a sensory overload of sounds, colors, and movements.
There have been times so far that I have allowed that overload to be victorious over the beauty of it all. That I have allowed myself to be filled to the brim with anxiety, with fear of walking down the street, or crossing the street for that matter. That I have allowed that overload to take all my energy from me and instead of focusing on being present in the day, I focus on when the day will be over so I can rest.
But, I have decided…not anymore.
Its almost comical how much control our initial perspectives and thoughts toward environments or situations have over us. Their quiet and subtle power can be destructive- If we let it.
All that said, I have found that there is something else that is powerful. Something that we all possess. The choice to say no to our own natural response. The choice to see the beauty in the chaos and the thrill in the risk. To step out in boldness instead of withdrawing in fear. Why? Because perfect love casts out fear and we can choose to say no. NO to fear, to anxiety, to doubt, and to being overwhelmed.
So, because I know I am loved by the one who is perfect and can love me perfectly- I say no to fear and yes to beauty.
Ive decided to say yes to the chaos, to the smells, the movements, the sounds and sometimes even to the little critters under my bed. (Okay that one is still a work in progress.)
Yes to take the chance everyday to love deeply and openly. Yes to crossing the street with hundreds of motorbikes headed straight for me. Yes to love the mother that works all day selling street food, to the rooster that wont shut up, and to the sweet child that has never left home without a pollution mask covering their face.
Yes to the sewage and livestock smells on my walk to school every morning. Yes to the crazy vietnamese karaoke music that is on ALL. NIGHT. LONG. Yes to the motel that we are staying in and its constant smell of incense and tobacco. Yes to the consistent flashing lights that creep into my window and give tints of reds, greens, and blues on the walls. Yes to the wildness of it all. And yes to Jesus, always and forever. If you haven’t figured it out already, following Jesus IS wild. It is not comfortable and it is not safe, BUT it is more beautiful than words can express. So I say Yes to God, His plan, His will, His guidance and His reasoning for wanting me- His daughter- on this side of the globe.
Beauty is everywhere and sometimes we just need to take a deep breath and pull back the layer of first perceptions and comfort zones to find it. Its funny that we are capable of experiencing very different worlds, very different lives if we only take whats in front of us at first glance without ever taking the risk of getting to know that thing, that place, that person fully. Im still a work in progress, and I know some of this will not come easily, but I am committed to working toward it daily to dig deeper past myself and my comforts.
What in your life do you need to dig a little deeper and peel another layer off of?
As always thanks for letting my thoughts and story be a part of your day,
xo Katie
