Before the Race, and for the majority of my life, I’ve believed Satan’s lies that my quietness makes me boring and not worth knowing. Society generally tells us that it’s not okay to be quiet, but that we have to be outgoing and fun to fit in. And I’ve never been able to make myself this way, so I never felt truly accepted. I’ve struggled with this a lot on the Race, and have often let Satan keep me quiet and in the background. I was too afraid of being rejected or causing conflict if I spoke my mind, which made me passive. And passivity led to procrastination and laziness. I didn’t feel bold enough or courageous enough to speak up or even to simply share my feelings. Even worse, I got so used to not speaking up or sharing my opinion that I now struggle with defining what I think or feel.
But no more.
At our Month 8 debrief, we had our team debrief with our squad leaders, coaches, and squad mentor. We went around and shared about our time in Ireland and how we were doing spiritually. When it was my turn, I ended up word vomiting all my feelings. I just couldn’t hold things in anymore, and letting it all out was messy but so relieving. I felt like I had dumped a truckload of heavy baggage before my team. That was the moment that I found my voice. Later, one of my squad leaders reminded me that I can’t have a voice for others until I have a voice for myself. So I had a choice to make: stay quiet to avoid the pain of rejection, or take a risk and speak up.
I chose to speak.
My voice is one thing that no one else has. It’s unique to me and how God created me. Speaking up may be messy, it may cause conflict, and it may hurt. But it’s also beautiful, bold, and courageous. I’m not responsible for how others respond to what I say. And though it may hurt if what I say is ignored or not received, I will still choose to speak. I won’t let my heart be hardened, and I refuse to let Satan keep me quiet any longer. I’m learning to fight for my voice and to fight to be heard.
I have a voice. A voice that is meant to be heard. A voice worth fighting for. And so do you.
So speak.
