UNcultured

 While traveling this year I have become cultured in many ways and feel ready to take on almost anything the world may throw at me, but I am not sure I am ready for America.

What do I mean?
 
Well… while learning a lot about the world, I have seemed picked up some weird habits along the way.
 

1. I speak slowly, loudly, and with hand gestures so I can get my point across to all the non-English speaking people we come into contact with during the day.

2. How do we drive? And what side of the road do we drive on… Right? Left? Middle? Shoulder? Straight into oncoming traffic?… Who knows anymore but I have learned you just need to go as fast as possible, hold on tight, pump your imaginary brakes, and celebrate your safe arrival. Reckless driving is 100% endorsed around the world.

3. Carrying on conversations with non-English speakers is my favorite form of entertainment these days… that probably has something to do with the fact NO ONE speaks English around this quaint town or most places we have been for that matter. I talk to them like they understand, they look at me confused and laugh, and I keep talking. What do we "talk" about? … whatever fits the circumstance. The food at the restaurant. The weather. The clothes at the market. The unbelievable amount of people on the bus. You know, my everyday normals.

4. Cell phone… what is that? You actually call people? How do I unlock this? What’s your number? What’s the country code? You mean I can’t just roll over and ask you my question?

5. Alone time on the World Race = Headphone’s in. So maybe I am not really "alone" but I can completely zone out of my current surroundings. Cars flying by… who knew! Screaming babies… where? Cow walking down the road next to me… been there, seen that! Every African kid yelling at me… duh! People falling down in church… way to go Holy Spirit!  *currently in my own world*

6. I have developed an expectation to be noticed… by everyone, ALL the time. (#attentionhog) I know, self-absorbed right? No, not really. It’s a learned behavior. White skin automatically puts a sign on my forehead that says "Please stare, wave, or run up and touch me. And no, I am not lost." Ok, so maybe not the last part, but it should for the number of times we have been asked.

 

7. Bathrooms/showering… inside or outside? Bucket of water or shower head? Warm or cold? Fresh water, dirty water, or running water? Is there a door? Western toilet or Squatty potty? Is there toilet paper? Nevermind, that’s a dumb question…NO!  Can we flush  toilet paper? Sink available or resort to hand sanitizer? Insect infected? Cochroachs coming out? Men peeping in? African children trying to watch?

8. Bodily functions have become breakfast/lunch/dinner/all the time talk. Have you moved every month for the past 11 months into completely new countries with new foods, water & germs? Well, it's not always fun and takes our bodies some adjusting. And it becomes dinner talk because we have to celebrate our victories and pray for the unsettled wars going on in our bodies. I know… gross BUT… Welcome to overseas missions!  Oh and let’s not forget about parasites and worms… they are talked about like they are official team members. Well, maybe they have joined our team and we don’t know it yet because no one has been tested for them … fear not, there are no current concerns—I promise mom—and plus, they are treatable!

9. Some descriptive words have completely lost their meaning! Long … Short … Near … Far ? What?! Short as in 3 miles or 3 feet or 5 minutes or 8 hours? Long as in 26 hours or 8 miles or 45 minutes or 2 blocks or 2 miles? What do these words even mean anymore?

10. You mean I can't pee wherever I want… Side of any 'ole road? Open field? Behind that dirt pile? But it's so convenient. There have been many bus rides this year where for lack of choices or time we have found ourselves peeing in the most random situations. Like: 37 women, with 5 minute allowance and only an African’s garden (while they are harvesting their plants) or on the road behind our sleeper bus at 3am with other buses flying by OR in a plastic bag because custom officers won’t let you out of your train cart (this wasn’t me, but it’s kind of ridiculous & funny, right?). What else am I supposed to do?  Our options are really limited at times. Lesson Learned: no matter the circumstances, always go… Because a full bladder, uncomfortable seating positions to try to reduce bladder pressure, & tears in your eyes only makes that 20 hour bus ride feel like eternity. And you are left questioning if you want to just give in and pee your pants.

11. Baby wipes were made for babies!? Not showering? And the moist towels Qatar airlines gives us were just for our hands… Not for a quick shower of all exposed skin & armpits? Oops!

12. Hoarding/survival skills… Same Same… Depending on how you look at it!

1. Collect all napkins/toilet paper ( from anywhere it’s free, it could be your: toilet paper, kleenx, piece of paper, bandage, wash cloth, decorations, teammates notes, coloring, Christmas tree skirt, killing the masses of ants, bookmark, snack holder, taking away extra food from the all-you-can eat buffets or continental breakfasts.
    
2. Plastic silverware. That’s supposed to be disposable? OH, I thought it was my newly gifted silverware for the next few months until we fly again. Thanks Qatar!
    
3. Zip-lock bags? Keeps you organized, keeps ants out, keeps things fresh, keeps smells contained, helps relieve your bladder/portable toilet, cup/bowl for food.
    
4. Plastic grocery bags? Not allowed in Rwanda but highly prized in a WRers life. Have something extra to carry along to ministry? Plastic bag! Think it might rain? Plastic bag! Trash? Plastic bag! Potential to explode during the flight? Plastic bag! Dirty laundry? Plastic bag! Locked in your room and have to pee? Plastic bag! Need to get something out of the toilet? Plastic bag! Have to throw up on a bus? Plastic bag! Don’t want to get your butt dirty on the ground? Plastic Bag! Need a portable drink carrier with handles? Plastic Bag! (to accomplish: find small plastic bag, pour beverage in, throw away bottle/can, drink with straw & carry around with you like a small grocery bag… fun, right?

   
    

5. Ketchup/Salt/Pepper/Sugar…. Gotta collect ‘em all! I mean, I did just pay 50 cents for that ketchup, definitely saving that for another meal!  

 
 
One last ending note, incase you have ever wondered or find yourself in an unfavorable situation, this is wisdom I want to impart to you from my beloved teammates and I (it took us 11 months to learn this) ….