As much as this year is super awesome, it is really hard sometimes. We move from place to place, country to country, ministry to ministry and I often wonder what in the world is going on. Here’s a snippet from my journal the other day (I’m talking to God):
“I’m craving stability. Maybe You have me like this so I find stability only in You. Is that what You’re doing? I don’t have…the languages to communicate with…a home…a job…money…sometimes ministry…any clue for the future.”
Yesterday I had some time to just rest, to take a Sabbath and I feel like God really spoke to me. I went to the chapter that God continually speaks to me through over the years, John 15. It talks about abiding in God and love. I was reading in the Message version and Jesus’ words jumped out to me in a new way:
“I’ve loved you the way my Father has loved me. Make yourselves at home in my love. If you keep my commands, you’ll remain intimately at home in my love. That’s what I’ve done-kept my Father’s commands and made myself at home in his love.”
I didn’t think being homeless this year would affect me as much as it has. I’m continually talking with my friends here about how I want to one day have a home to welcome people and care for them because I see the value in it now more than ever. I’m realizing how a welcoming home does more than care for someone physically. It touches them emotionally and provides a place for them to connect with God spiritually. When I read this scripture, I was able to somehow imagine God being that place for me offering stability, protection, and a place to walk around in. I could just be myself, do whatever I want, and rest in Him.
Then, I heard lyrics to a song by Rita Springer that went along with that message:
“Just to know that I can come to lay at your feet,
Just to know that I won’t be denied,
Just to know that in You I find my home,
Just to know my hopes rest in Your heart,
Just to know that You won’t forget,
Just to know that I am on Your mind,
Just to know that your promises will stay right here,
Just to know that I won’t be alone,
Just to know that you can hold me,
Just to know that in you I find my hope,
Just to know that You are always near.”
I just love that this is who God is! He provides a safe place and will always be there and always love us. I’ve often missed the comforts of home this year, but know that even that can’t satisfy. In the end, it is just a place. This year when I’ve hit hard times I’ve seen more clearly than ever that God is my only true stability. I’ve been able to be myself with Him, whether crying, happy, angry or confused. Whatever state I’ve been in, He’s accepted me and embraced me, just as I am. People, places, and things satisfy for the moment but eventually let you down. God will never leave us or forsake us no matter what comes our way and in Him we find our true home.
