When Paul says to the Phillipians in Phil 4:6 “Do not be anxious about anything…” does that include not being anxious about our relationship with God?
I’m currently in the home of Cooleys, some missionaries in Peru, because I need rest. I realized before I left on the World Race that I often struggle with anxiety and a couple days ago it seemed to be getting worse. When this happens, my chest gets tight and my breathing is irregular. I told teammates about it, feeling stupid because 1)maybe it was all just in my head and 2)if there was an issue, there didn’t seem to be any real catalyst. I didn’t have an answer for the way I was feeling.
I love God’s timing, because lately I’ve been meditating on the idea that Jesus enters into our mess and loves us just where we are. I’ve heard countless stories of people whose lives have been changed because they had an encounter with Christ at their lowest points…prostitution, drug abuse, self mutilation, etc. I started to reflect on my life and asked the Lord when He had entered my messes. One of the things I realized is that I don’t usually allow myself to be messy. I quickly come up with a resolution and keep on going. What I don’t like about this stage I’m in right now is I don’t have answers. I can’t come up with a quick fix, I don’t know what to do.
I do know that a lot of the anxiety I feel is about my relationship with God. I always want my ears to be open so I can hear Him speak, my eyes to be open so I can see Him move, and my mouth to be open so I can speak of His goodness. In my attempt to walk with God though, I’m paranoid with questions like…Am I doing it right God? Am i meeting with You enough? Is there anything between us?
It makes me think of a couple who are dating and aren’t able to ejnoy one another because the girl overanalyzes every step in their relationship. I don’t want that to be true of my relationship with God!
I love how the Message Remix puts it in Romans 8:15, “this resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It’s adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike “What’s next, Papa?”. What I’m wanting is a life of freedom and I’m not really sure what that looks like. I do know some simple truths that are guiding me, like “Be still and know that I am God” and “love God and love people.” Beyond that I’m a mess…and I think I’m okay with that. Here I am Lord, enter in!
My church back home happens to be doing a series about this issue of freedom if you’re interested in listening to a message.
http://www.thegatheringnc.org/resources/audio-sermons
