$15,500 Heart Surgery
I figured out why God called me to the World Race in 2012.
Father had scheduled a fifteen thousand, five hundred dollar surgery for me.
He knew I couldn’t afford it, so He took up a collection from those He loves.
They gave in faith; They gave cheerfully and obediently, knowing that we're all just stewards.
He knew I wouldn’t choose it, so Jesus chose it for me.
He gave me the desire to travel the world,
He gave me the desire for fellowship in community,
He gave me peace about the decision to lay down the American dream in 2012.
He knew I would be afraid, so He gifted me with fifty WR teammates and fifty prayer warriors in America to cover my fear with Perfect Love. He knew I was stubborn, that I would have chosen to continue to live this life with wounds, injuries, and internal bleeding. He knew that I was too busy or too lazy to take 'time off of life’ for the surgery that I needed; The surgery that would save my life.
This year, I have been discipled by the Lord Jesus Christ.
He calls me by my Name, and His voice melts my heart.
He teaches me His Way, and I say 'Amen' in my spirit.
Father has sent the Son to present the Truth to me Today,
to show me the Truth, that BEAUTY IS HOLINESS.
"I looked into the eyes of the Lion,
I feel the courage in His gaze.
He roars my name with passion,
As tears come falling down my face.
I looked into the eyes of the Lamb,
I saw Love set me free
I felt His grace destroy my sins,
And I fall like a dead man to my knees."
THIS LITERALLY HAPPENED TO ME.
THIS IS A TRUE STORY.
THIS IS THE SONG THAT MY HEART SANG.
I was sitting on a bench in Church earlier that morning, and the Lord said to my spirit "It's time, Katie. It's time for surgery. Ask me Today and I will remove the stone from your hard heart and I will give you the heart of flesh that you desire. Receive my grace Today and fall in love with Me."
I began to weep on the inside, I knew what He was talking about.
He wanted to remove the rebellion from my heart,
He wanted to replace it with the word "Hallelujah."
He whispered in a song,
"Mercy flowed from my veins
So you could live in Me.
Look into the eyes of your King,
And see that BEAUTY is HOLINESS."
My response, from my spirit went something like this-
"Hallelujah to the Lamb who was slain for me,
who is Worthy, who sets me FREE.
I give you permission to make me new.
I ask you to take the sharpest knife to my heart,
come dig out the root, make it a clean cut.
With precision and strength,
cut the chain that holds the root in place,
even if it hurts or bleeds,
remove the root of rebellion in my heart."
The Holy Spirit brought tears to my eyes,
as He promised me that the Prize was worth the pain.
I heard God's promise of hope,
that He would Wash the wound
that He would pour Oil on it
that He would put Ointment on my scar.
With the eyes of my heart, I watched Jesus carefully
sow my heart up and kiss the scar that remained.
He said the scar would be tender for awhile,
He instructed me not to pick at the scar.
He said the scar was Beautiful because
it would be a testimony to all who ask
"where did the scar on your heart come from?"
He said that in those moments I will say,
"Jesus gave me this scar, He makes me Holy."
I went home, crawled in my tent and went straight to sleep.
When I woke up it was about 3AM and I spent a few hours
wrestling with my air mattress and the promise I had made,
"Your will be done, Father."
How was I going to be perfectly faithful to this promise?
Why did God choose me to live such a high calling?
Am I really trustworthy of to live in humility to God's will?
I found frustration arise as I tried to pick at the scar.
I found my flesh trying to undo what had been done by the Spirit.
I found the enemy's lies comforting and angering at the same time.
So, I wept myself to sleep while reading Psalm 147:3.
In the middle of the Dream Team P90X Routine the next morning,
I felt God drawing near to me, wooing me away from the workout.
Though the sun was glistening over the peak of the mountains,
I closed my eyes and stood still, waiting for the Lord to speak with me.
In my mind, I saw Jesus turn the corner and walk straight towards me.
He put His hands on my shoulders and I knew He was going to say something.
This is what I heard Him say to my spirit, "Grace. Daughter, there is Grace."
Once again, my heart wept and I melted down to the ground in a puddle of my own tears. My head was facing the ground, and I didnt even want to look at Him.
I knew I would never be able to give Him a promise of perfection or faithfulness or obedience like He bestows upon me, like Jesus showed the Father.
So He responded like this to me,
"I am the Lifter of your face, the Lifter of your soul,"
as He lifted my face, as He brought my eyes to look into His eyes.
They THEY spoke something to me that changed my life forever:
Jesus said in the Spirit and on behalf of the Father,
"WE think Beauty is Holiness."
At once, in a moment I felt my heart
FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM.
I fell in Love with I AM
I fell in Love with H-Ly
I fell in Love with Abba
I fell in Love with Fire
I fell in Love with the One
I understood why He discipled me all year
I understood why He disciplined me all year
I understood why He pruned me all year
I understood why He polished me all year
I understood why He tested me all year
Because He wants me to think like Him,
Because He wants me to live like Him,
Because He wants me to love what He loves,
Because He wants me to have joy,
Because Beauty is Holiness.
God says He is making us Beautiful for Himself
God says He is preparing us as His Bride
God says He sent the Son to make us spotless
Here are my thoughts this week,
that I just can't seem to fully comprehend…
1. Jesus is running around heaven saying
"Katie Ballard is in love with Me!"
2. God does not love me because He made me,
He created me because He loved me.
3. Father loves me as much as He loves Jesus.
Thank you to those who are faithfully praying for my life this year,
Thank you to those who have been discipling me with your life,
Thank you to those who have gospeled me in community
Thank you to those who contributed to this year's HEART SURGERY.
Thank you to the ONE WHO MAKES ALL THINGS NEW, Amen.
-Legitimately, this photo if from killing a chicken in Uganda.
I slit its throat- that's how they make dinner in Africa.
All I could imagine, was killing the Lamb.
He would have nailed Himself to the Cross, had we not.
That is why He came, to die for the sins of the world.
-Believe Him, and Inherit the Land.
Believe Him, and Live.
Amen.
