The conversation was getting heated, and I could feel the tension escalating in the room.
Or maybe it was just within me.
I felt like he was speaking to me like he thought I was stupid.
I felt like he suggested something I already knew and presented it as if it was a brilliant idea I never would have come up with on my own.
And suddenly I wanted to correct him. I wanted him to know I knew to do that.
He thinks I don’t know to do that. He doesn’t think I know what I’m talking about.. I did think through all of those possibilities. I am smart enough to have this conversation! This is humiliating. I’m not valued.
Those are all the things my insides started crying.
But somewhere deep inside of me is the voice that belongs to the Holy Spirit. He whispered to me,
“You don’t have to prove yourself.”
I know His words. I’ve heard them before.
A zillion times.
I spent a whole year learning and re-learning them.
You don’t have to prove you speak Spanish. Sometimes bad Spanish days are ok.
You don’t have to prove you speak English. Bad grammar happens.
You don’t have to prove you know what you’re doing. It’s ok to fly by the seat of your pants.
You don’t have to prove you know how to teach English, how to [water down] paint, how to convert currency.
How to give feedback, how to build community, how to get introvert time.
You don’t have to know how to do it all.
You don’t even have to prove you know how to do the stuff you really do know how to do.
You can just be you.
Why?
Because the matter of your worth was settled on the cross.
The matter of your worth wasn’t settled in how efficiently you pack, how well you extrovert, or how many hours of sleep you get on travel day.
It wasn’t settled in how frequently you blog, how eloquently you speak, or even how quickly you reach your fundraising deadlines.
The matter of your worth wasn’t settled in what you do but rather who you are.
Because of that, you are worth it.
With the scars on His hands, feet, and side, Jesus said so.
He said you were worth every drop of blood, every moment of agony, every gasp for breath.
You were worth it then and you are worth it now.
You are worth a free day every week–to refresh and recharge.
You are worth making someone else pause what they’re doing to be your partner to the tienda. Sometimes you are worth being the inconvenience.
Worth being called by name, worth being asked your opinion, and, yes, worth being given feedback.
Worth fighting for, worth being invested in, and worth protecting.
Worth it.
You don’t have to prove that.
You don’t have to prove who you are or who you were created to be.
You get to just be her.
Just be him.
Just be His.
The World Race changed my life.
It changed what I believe about God.
It changed how I do missions.
It changed my view of community, church, and travel.
Most of all, it changed me.
It changed who I am–as a daughter, a missionary, and a friend.
It changed how I think about myself, how I believe in myself, and how I invest in myself.
I am worth being loved.
No proving required.
God is doing crazy things around the world–not just within me. For 11 different short stories of what God did in each country on the World Race, read the book Jesus Shoes: Following His Footsteps Through the Latin American Mission Field.
