“The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not lack” -Psalm 23:1
Last week, as the team was asked to have someone speak for the Wednesday night service I decided it was my turn to have a go. As a youth ministry major and having had various experiences I got this bogus idea that was I said had to be very insightful. As I began preparing I kept getting stuck and nothing was flowing easy to speak fluidly on one thing. I kept running into writers block. But eventually I decided on Psalm 23, as it’s been a passage that has walked me through various phases of my life. So I put some notes together, overstressing on my details and transitions; trying to make it just ‘right.’
When Wednesday night came around the pastor informed me the service would be canceled due to many people still running errands for Christmas Day. A little relieved, I put my message notes away and went on.
On Friday, as we arrived to wifi, I discovered a few events that weighed heavy on my heart. One being the passing of our beloved Coach Jim. This man made a great impact on our squad. He brought joy, love, comfort and wisdom to us all. As we reflect on his life, we know God used his life to make huge strides in the Kingdom by the amount of lives Jim touched. As I began letting the news sink in, along with facing other news I began to feel disheartened. A friend back home called me out that I had quickly tried my coping mechanism of running away. With her insight, I took the opportunity to have some sweet solitude time with my friend Jesus.
As I began to journal the words from my talk came over me. “The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not lack.” As I began thinking about the words planned I realized I didn’t take to heart the message I had intended to give. I began asking myself: do I really let Him be shepherd? Do I humble myself to be a needy, helpless sheep? Do I realize that with Him, I lack nothing?
As I sat there writing I began to let God be my healer, to be the shepherd who would lead me to still waters. He knows what things will be troubled times for us. He knows when we will need comfort and he makes me lie down. He will lead me through the darkness of this earth and His goodness will follow me. I’m not saying all the sadness left, but wow did it make a difference to recognize that our Shepherd wants to comfort me as I’m a helpless sheep wandering through this earth.
I almost began to laugh as I realized that lesson I had desperately tried to prepare was missing a vital part, my heart hadn’t been connected to it. I love when God points things out to me that I had been working on to tell others. It’s like he’s saying, Katie you need to be your own audience.
You can imagine what I thought when the pastor asked our team to speak Sunday and my team knew I already had something prepared. So on Sunday I spoke on Psalm 23. Only this time, in the moments before I wasn’t thinking of ‘is my content good enough? will my transitions work? Will it make sense?’ This time I was thinking, ‘Lord be my shepherd, I have no control on my life and I need you to heal me.’
I’m grateful for this powerful reminder that God provided during this grieving time. As we reflect on all our positive memories with Jim, I’m asking God to lead me to comfort and the rest I need. As I said, Psalm 23 has been a favorite passage in my life. I hope I always keep on my heart the greatness of what it can look like to have The Lord as our Shepherd. But I know that if I get consumed with the silliness of myself, God will give me a sweet sweet reminder of what his message is to us.
I hope you are brought comfort in the reminder that The Lord is our Shepherd, and with him as our guide we won’t lack anything. That he will work through the troubled times.
And also, I hope you can take sometime today to reflect if there are any messages you’ve trying to relay to others that really you need to hear. God just might be intending you to be the audience.
Grace and Peace!
