Matthew 6:13:
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
Now that I’m back in America I’ve been settling into a few things. I’ve been enjoying having clean feet, having coffee in person with people I love, not having sweat across my brow every second and being able to know my clothes are clean. Im also remembering how to speak English properly without needing charades and learning what current events I missed. And as I get asked questions about the Race there’s this one that sticks out in particular.
“What’s next?” Honestly I probably ask myself that question more than I’m asked by anyone else. And the simple answer is “I don’t know.”
Although that’s a simple answer it’s been rather difficult for me feeling settled in it. As frustrated as I can get or as worried about not having it planned out as it could be; I’m reminded of how limited information I had for 11 months and was perfectly at peace.
As I was running the other day I got this analogy of living within the scope of what my headlamp lights up.
On the race we had limited information, we knew living arrangements, ministry expectations, food traditions; but even all that could change. We knew month to month logistics. We couldn’t see all the pieces because we would have been overwhelmed. It would have been difficult to know all 39 bags would be lost in Honduras, or that I would be sick in Rwanda or that we would travel 3 days to get to Vietnam or create a ten hour youth program in Uganda at last minute notice. So we had our ‘headlamps’ only lighting up what was directly in front of us. And with that, we were constantly reminded when we strained to look too far ahead that we would miss our present and the sweet moment in front of us. So the only things we knew or that were lit up from the Lord were the things directly in front of us. Our limited scope was simple, beautiful and intentional. This ‘headlamp’ mentality gave me a peace; it was a peace of knowing I didn’t have to figure out the next month yet, that it would get settled when it got settled. I didn’t need to know where I would be, what I would eat, what we would be doing; I just saw right in front of me.
For some reason as I’ve come to America I’ve wanted to get a hold of a ‘Spotlight.’ I want to gain understanding of the months and months ahead. I want to see what’s coming and want to know what to expect and how to prepare myself. However, if I’m honest, I don’t think I would be able to handle it. Carrying around a spotlight is too heavy, too much to handle, and not convenient. There’s a reason the Lord only gives us so much because the Good Lord knows what I can handle.
So in Race like fashion I’m going to try to grasp this mentality from month to month. I don’t know what’s next, I know I have a lot of reflecting to do in this season and I know I’m going to try out this waiting game and be willing to be interrupted, just as we did on the Race. So here’s to grabbing my ‘Headlamp.’
“What’s to come long term?”
“I don’t know.”
