I am not gonna lie, this is hard. I am uncomfortable. I have been away from home almost 3 months now, and alone time is almost non existent. Preaching infront of a church in Rwanda is hard, especially if you know me and know how much anxiety I get when talking in front of people. I am so exhausted. I don’t know what peope are saying to me, and the food is definitely interesting.
Thanksgiving has passed and Christmas is on the way. I miss my family and friends and late night runs to Applebees. I miss my comfy bed were I can bury myself under all my blankets after a bad day. I am sick of the same 6 shirts, and I miss wearing comfy sweatshirts and waching Netlix with my sister. Pizza, burgers, Flaming Hot Cheetos and Dove Dark Chocolate is what I crave. I miss basketball season. And believe it or not I miss snow.
The image of returning home and my family running to me, hugging me, and welcoming me home, runs through my head about 10 times a day. And the thought that it’s only one purchased plane ticket away really tempts me.
But here’s the thing, isn’t this really what I signed up for? I knew it would be hard, I knew I would get homesick. I mean my parents said before I left that even if I wanted to come home they wouldn’t let me. And I made them promise not to let me go home. When I signed up to for this, didn’t I sign up for the bad times as well as the good? God never promised that following Him and saying yes was going to be easy. It is almost gauranteed to be hard at times.
Just yesterday we had a squad meeting because this has become a real problem. Satan is really attacking us with homesickness, depression, laziness, uncomfortableness, feelings of being inadequate, failures, and loneliness. But like we discussed last night, wouldn’t there be a real problem if Satan wasn’t attacking us in these ways? If we weren’t actually seeing people be saved, and planting the seed in others, Satan wouldn’t see us as a threat. If we weren’t loving as many children as we can, and preaching as much as we have been, Satan would have no reason to waste his time trying to discourage us, to get us to ask ourselves, if it is all really worth it.
It is worth it. Everytime I find myself in tears because I miss home, or am just so exhausted, it is worth it. The tattoo on my arm says “Yes Lord”. I said yes to going on this trip, so I said yes to these bad times. I said yes knowing that through it all, God was going to be alongside me every step of the way, even if sometimes it doesn’t feel like it. Even when I feel like saying no. He is still there pushing me in the right direction.
Like my sister said in one of her letters to me, I get to travel the world while sharing God’s love, what can be cooler than that?
Love,
Katie
