As we rolled into the red dirt-lined streets of Gainesville, GA, I woke up, feeling a little like I was still dreaming.
Is this really it? Am I really here?? Am I going to be able to set my tent up by myself? What’s the rest of my squad going to be like?
It was a little rainy and damp, but after driving the 5 hours from Indy to Nashville and meeting up with some of my future squad-mates, and then (sleeping most of the way) to Gainesville… I couldn’t wait to jump out of that car.
“Your car is invisible now. Take everything with you!” they said.
So we did. We loaded up our bags(like this…)
and hiked up to CAMP!
It was all a little surreal, but there was a palpable sense of the Holy Spirit in the air. He had led all of us exactly to this moment, exactly the right people, at exactly the right time. That was the coolest thing.
Do you ever get the sense that you are ACTUALLY, RIGHT NOW, IN THIS MOMENT living the EXACT plan God had set out for you? Like, back when you said that initial, “Yes,” you were terrified, but now…
God has brought you to THIS place.
And you are living smack dab in the middle of His will.
And it is SO MUCH BETTER than what you had planned out for yourself?
That was the constant sense my soul had all throughout camp.
The beginning: Now, I could give you every single detail, but that would be boring. Suffice it to say, the first 3 days were tough emotionally & spiritually more than anything. We had some of the most intense, Biblical, challenging, and enriching teaching (from Ron Walborn of Alliance Theological Seminary– incredible teacher). The first 3 days were meant to bring us into intimacy with God and wrestle through our own junk, our past, grieve some things, and acknowledge hurts from the past –> so that we will be able to serve out of a healed, whole place and not out of our own brokenness.
I can’t lie… it was TOUGH. Dealing with things I had long forgotten or realizing reasons for some of the sins I struggle with. Grieving past hurts. But after that challenging, painful release of a lot of my junk… there was JOY!
And joy comes in the mourning.
All week, every single moment had purpose, and somehow I was the most joyful I have been in months!
The middle: After those initial few days, we did team building activities… like,
“There’s been an airplane crash and your arms are gone and her legs are gone and you have Ebola! Get your team up the hill!”
Or, “You’re all tied together with a string and now do 100 sit-ups and 100 jump lunges and 100 crab walks as a unit.” Physically challenging?? Definitely.
Or this one, just called “Build.” We did it!
And we had crazy amazing worship, like this song:
Dancing under strobe lights and going hard at Squad Wars, camping out and cooking on a fire, bucket showering and laughing all night, and getting tons of practical advice on packing, safety, ministry, an African marketplace simulation, info on blogging & taking pictures, sleeping on a school bus, and more. I am SO PREPARED. Adventures in Missions truly prepared us in every possible way. I mean, EVERYTHING had purpose.
- Even sleeping in dirt on a yoga mat & nothing else.
- Even using port-a-potties.
- Even being around strangers for a week. (But they weren’t really strangers, were they? They were appointed squad mates that are now family. God had made us family before we even arrived 🙂
- Even being so tired I could feel my energy waning, smelling kinda gross and sleeping with 10 other girls in a tent.
- Even being so sore from sleeping on a rock, my neck could barely move. (Thank you, God, for Alany-Grace, the best masseuse in Hawai’i!)
- Even waking up and packing up everything I brought at 6:00 and doing exercise at 7:00am.
- Even dancing while worshipping, with hands waving high.
- Even telling new people some really vulnerable things about my past.
- Even wearing sweaty, smelly, dirty clothes all week
- and even carrying pounds of gear up and down hills
- and even running in my new Teva sandals for a half hour
- and even sharing weird, carb-heavy dishes with only my hands and 7 other people.
I mean, EVERYTHING had a purpose.
I feel like I can do anything now!
The end: There was a unique joy at Camp that I used to think was rare. But I know this joy is mine forever! Being surrounded by a community of hearts seeking after and longing to follow Christ, yearning to bring healing, peace, justice, and love to the hurting all over the world, people who helped me set up my tent before I knew their names and people who share deodorant and one spoon for 40 people and whatever they have. It’s hard to put into words all we did and said and saw and experienced. But suffice it to say, I think I can handle anything that comes our way this next year.
Here are some lists that will try to sum up the week. In typical World Race fashion, they are in groups of 11 🙂
The lists:
11 Things I Discovered About God
- He Forgives, so we forgive.
“It’s okay to NOT forgive someone when they have sinned agains thou more than you’ve sinned against God.” Challenging. But I know how much He has forgiven in me…so who do I need to extend grace to now, before I launch? - He is intimate.
It’s nearly impossible for me in my limited vocabulary to explain spiritual intimacy— what it feels like, how whole, free, full, and loved it makes me. But at camp, the worship experience and freedom to sing and dance for the Father brought me into crazy intimacy in my spirit with Him. - The Holy Spirit is real.
“The work of the Spirit is for every believer. It is not a reward. It is a gift. So ask with expectancy (and without an agenda), and don’t compare your experience with others.” - He makes us brave.
To say, “Yes” to the World Race. To say “no” to that drink or that person, to say “yes” to that move or job offer, to speak boldly and live without worries or fears. He gives us authority and power to do what Jesus did through the gifts of the Spirit! We can do ANYTHING! By being in tune with what the Father is already doing, we can be effective. (Luke 4:17-19) - He works through people.
There were so many little moments that my squad mates or trainers said, did, taught, or helped me in just the way I needed in that moment. Whether through something as small as giving me some shower soap. Or through praying over me when I was hot-mess, ugly crying. Or through speaking a hard truth I needed to hear— I felt the Lord in even those small things. - We can’t figure Him out.
He is bigger, stronger, more powerful and just in every way MORE than we can comprehend. (So I don’t have to keep trying to understand.) - God likes fun!
He wants the best for us, because He is the best and He is all good. Just dancing, laughing, sharing, listening to rap, dance partying, joking, having sunny skies, enjoying food in the forest…God isn’t against fun! I had so much fun at Training Camp, and I was totally living in His will and in the personality He gave me. - He is there.
When He felt far away when I came home, I realized I wasn’t reaching out for Him. He didn’t go anywhere; I did. - He loves hard.
It brought me to my knees during some nights of worship or during teaching… He loves us so intimately, exactly as we are, were, and will be, as much as we will never deserve it. His love is gentle & fierce & all-consuming. - He heals.
Emotionally, spiritually, physically… He heals our past, our childhoods, our broken bodies, our shame. What do I need to heal or have healed? - Jesus doesn’t care…
if you’re ugly, addicted, a good person, a murderer, a genius, American, a millionaire, living in poverty, gorgeous, dirty, over it, unstable, not into religion, grew up in church, have a shady history, fat, scared, sick, an athlete, not worth it…. He JUST WANTS TO LOVE US and bring us back into relationship with the Father and with His people. And heal us, make us whole and full through that love. There were so many different histories, personalities, and types of people at Camp, but we are all united. Jesus makes us equal and one— free, fully loved, forgiven, sons & daughters, empowered, beautiful, and we can be exactly who He created us to be.
11 Things I LOVE About L-Squad
Okay, I am obsessed with L-Squad, the 42 people I’ll be traveling and living with this year. I’m probably gonna get annoying about it, but I’m so in love with my squad mates, I can’t help it. After 1 week, they are family. (I know every Racer says that, but it’s true.)
If that’s what you’re worried about before camp— your Squad or your Team— I’d challenge you with: Do you TRUST the Lord? Do you trust that He has put you with exactly the right people? I promise AIM thinks and prays very carefully over teams. TRUST the Father that these people are gonna rock your world in the best, craziest ways that you can’t even imagine yet.
- We’re a bunch of stone cold goofballs. I laughed about every 3 minutes.
- We LOVE TO DANCE!!
“Waka Waka” by Shakira
I mean, we did Squad Zumba like 4 times for AM exercise (be still, my heart! how beautiful!). But we also would just break out into random dance groups before sessions or before worship, or for no reason at all, or to win a dance off (Scott, you’re the bomb!). I danced more this week than in all my weeks of cheerleading camp combined.
And you don’t have to be a good dancer because… - We are so SUPPORTIVE! I saw people packing up others’ tents in the morning, carrying bags, sharing deodorant or toothpaste, refilling water, sharing tent space and sleeping bags, clearing plates, setting up shelter, accommodating others… I mean, the definition of sacrificial giving for the better of your brother or sister.
- SQUAD WARS, BABY.
Dance-off, eating donuts or a whole lemon, cheering loud & proud — We WON! - L YEAH! Enthusiasm fer dayyyzzzz.
- Team Teleo Meaning “complete” or “Finished” in Greek. (You can see their pictures to the left of this post. These are the 7 women I’ll be living and serving with most of the time next year!!!)
- We COMMIT. From wearing all blue everything at Squad Wars to calling each other out when we didn’t follow the cultural rules of that day to dancing like nobody’s watching.
- We take care of each other. Our camp out was a great example. The people who were good at setting up camp did that. The cooks (me!) did that. The people who washed dishes did that. There was a place for every talent. There was no lacking anything because we shared everything.
- We have Canadians!! And they’re fabulous.
- Spirit stick. I mean, we had a SPIRIT STICK! And when that got stolen, we made a spirit staff out of a huge tree branch we found.
- We desire Jesus. There is nothing like being in a community of people who are seeking and searching after Jesus in this totally reckless way. I trust them to call me on my crap and push me closer to the Lord, because we all want to be more like the King and to see His Kingdom come. As we’re reading Acts together this month before Launch, I am so blessed that my prayer for Christian friends who want Jesus like crazy continues to be answered through people like my Squad.
11 Things I Discovered About Myself
- I’m still a cheerleader.
Totally did tumbling with one of my squad mates. My Team Teleo & I did cheerleading stunts. (Legit.) And I helped create our squad’s cheer (that helped win SQUAD WARS!). It used to be where I laid my identity, but now it’s just a unique part of my personality & past that God is still using. - I’m a dancer.
Deep down. All the time. I’m in love. It’s just how I express myself, and I want to get other people to dance with me, too! (Cheerleader.)
And I got to lead Zumba for the squad and for the whole camp! - I’m an ENFX.
In the Myers-Briggs personality test, I’m an Extrovert, Intuitive, Feeling, and both Perceptive & Judging. Basically, I’m a handful. (E- I get my energy from people most of the time. N- I have a lot of ideas. and I’ll say, “I just know.” a lot. F- I’m compassionate and experience the world through feelings and how it affects me or others. P/J- I’m spontaneous and think there a lot of right ways to get things done, but I also like a little structure and like to have responsibility.) - I can make friends!
I think this is mostly because L Squad is freakin’ awesome, but I haven’t had to make a lot of friends like that since college, really. And it turned out great. - I don’t need make-up. Or mirrors.
Or a shower. (Just buckets.) I wore makeup maybe 3 days…? It was freeing. I like having things and taking a hot American shower, but I don’t NEED it. - I don’t need lots of shoes. Or clothes, for that matter. Or really anything.
I wore one pair of Tevas the entire week, even when we went running, and sometimes I was just barefoot. I could’ve brought a lot less in general. It’s freeing to need little. - I can hear from God.
And He speaks to me! I used to get frustrated because sometimes I couldn’t tell if God was speaking to me. How do you know? How does He speak to us? (Comment or message me if you wanna hear more about this…it didn’t make sense to me for a long time, either!) - I’m meant to be here, right now, and doing this thing for the next year.
SO many signs. And I want to keep living in His will. - i have a lot of energy!! 🙂
- My joy is contagious.
Taking care of me & my relationship with God is important so I can have the joy and then spread it to everyone! - I CAN DO ANYTHING.
With the power of the Holy Spirit, I can do literally… ANYTHING
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For you: Now, my time at camp was unique in that it was very intense, condensed, and purposeful…. but it’s obviously not the only way we can discover things about God and ourselves. It doesn’t always have to be through backpacking in the woods with 200 strangers and worshipping under the night sky in Georgia 🙂On vacation, on a mission trip, at Training Camp it might be easy to feel close to the Lord.
In our daily lives, we just might have to be a little more intentional about looking up and out for ways to experience the Lord’s presence…
…to look up from the TV or phone or laptop and into the eyes of a loved one, to awkwardly reach out to that person you know needs a friend but might be kind of awkward, to engage in a conversation with a stranger at the store, to sacrifice a meal out here & there and sponsor a child who needs it, to turn off the TV and sit in the starry night to pray…
…to force ourselves to be uncomfortable in order to reach a higher place with the Lord, with others, and with ourselves.
What are some ways YOU are discovering God?
Or discovering things about yourself?
CHALLENGE!
Comment a list of 11 things about your life in this season!
Peace & love, Team!! You’re my favorites!
