I remember when I was 10. I was lying in bed in agony as my legs ached. They were growing, and while I didn’t want to go through it, it was essential.
At 25, I look back on that time and appreciate that I went through it. Yes, there was physical pain, but I am now 5’4″ (and not 4’5″!) because I went through that.
At 25, I look back on that time and I am glad it is over. Growth is still happening, but now it’s emotional, mental, and spiritual, rather than physical. It still hurts. I still lie in bed and wish I didn’t have to go through it.
I feel like this is never ending. Starting the World Race was just a catalyst for the reaction to happen- three months in and it’s still going strong. It was slow to start, however, and came to the peak in last months debrief. I don’t think I have cried as much in the last 2 years than I did in that 2 week period. And, let me tell you, I hated it. I didn’t want show my ‘weakness’ to those around me so I hid it for days and weeks until it exploded and I couldn’t do anything to hide it anymore.
It sucked, but the healing that would come from those times where I cried at breakfast, on the street, on the beach- anywhere and everywhere- I wouldn’t give back. Having a God who listens to my muddled emotions and then speaks truth and life into the situation is invaluable. Having friends who sit with me when I ugly cry in public areas, speak into the pain, and help me to put words to what had previously been in my head has proven to be invaluable.
But still, it’s hard. Having to give up what I want to cling onto with every fibre of my being is painful. Ripping out the roots of the hurt that has made it’s home in my heart for the last 15 years is agonising and slow. I sit here, looking back on the past month and wonder if I really have grown at all. I wonder if I have really moved forward from where I was 4 weeks ago. I go through the motions each day, surrendering my hurt to God, hoping that He will miraculously change me.
Patience.
It was a word given to me in Indonesia. I didn’t know what it meant but now, as I have come through this month wishing to be healed and to have the growing done with, i understand what it means.
Have patience with yourself.
So now, as we head to India, it’s all I can do. Just like the growing pains I experienced when I was 10, I just have to be patient and trust that the end result will be worth it.
Hey guys, I still have $5000 to raise by the end of the month- And I need your help! If you want to help out, head to the ‘donate’ button at the top right of the page. Every little bit helps!
