My Grown-Up Christmas List

Well Amy Grant, I won’t be home for Christmas. 

This was the time on the Race that I dreaded. The time of year I had counted on and expected to be difficult to handle. 

And now that it’s here…I’m doing okay. 

The plague of homesickness I was expecting did not come, though there are days where I feel the lump in my throat thinking about home and days when only happy reminiscing fills me. 

I’ve traded sweaters and cold weather for palm trees, sweat and horribly stained shirts. 

Instead of feeding reindeer, I toss our leftover rice to chickens each morning.

Where “not a creature was stirring,” there are definitely mice.

And rather than a Christmas list with the latest technology or clothes from The Loft (honestly I miss dressing cute), I’ve never been more excited for a gift than I am for this upcoming one, as my parents sent a tiny box with notes and who knows what else!

I just can’t help thinking this month is God’s perfect Christmas present. 

It’s by far been the hardest.

Our time in Europe was not what we deemed “stereotypical World Race.” The weather was nice, we had showers and conditions were not that starkly different from “home.” Vietnam, though very warm, was similar in terms of living conditions. 

But this month, the thing that scared me the most about the World Race finally arrived.

While I know how seemingly terrible it may sound to say that conditions and physical comforts, or lack thereof, was one of the things I feared the most, it was true for me. 

Ultimately what I’ve found is that those things weren’t what I was fearing. It was an issue of trust. 

Would I still be able to live joyous and abundantly when comforts were no more? Did I trust God to be the one to sustain me? Would He be enough for me? 

The answer is obviously yes. I could have told you that well before the Race, but it wouldn’t have come from a place of true belief. 

This month he is helping me get there. He is showing me the truth to those questions by experience. 

So here is my granted Christmas list. The one I didn’t even wish for, but the Father gave me out of the goodness of who he is:

1. Leading two women to Christ, the first people I’ve prayed with to receive Jesus on the Race so far (I’ll post the story below. It was AMAZING).
2. My new team – Team SOZO. We are a gang full of goobers and incredible encouragement to see Jesus more and more. 
3. Our 10 year old house dog, Jackie Chan, who is supposed to be our mouse catcher. Unfortunately he’s nearly blind and falls short on his job 100% of the time, but we love him anyway!
4. Our friendly mice friends who like to cuddle into bed sometimes.
5. Toads in the toilets. 
6. Tenting underneath the Cambodian stars and the cool breeze of the night.
7. Food provided by our host.
8. Hammocks in huts.
9. The chance to show the love of Jesus in the classroom to our crazy and lovable students.
10. Cracking open a coconut with a machete and not chopping off my arm. 
11. Those long, sweltering afternoons when I have nothing left. 
12. Answered prayers by God during those moments. He’s filled with energy when I’ve truly had nothing left. 
13. The moments when I’ve wanted to quit. 
14. His gentle love and whisper that has pulled me out of those places. 
15. How he hasn’t let me throw myself a pity party.
16. Teammates who feel the same way sometime but want to walk through these things together.
17. Hearing the Lord as clearly as I ever have before (I literally can’t describe how overwhelmingly present He has been this month).
18. No wifi at our house
19. The ways he’s shown me I’ve grown – how he’s proud of me. 
20. Helping me come to grips with my flaws, my sin, my failure. 
21. Riding through town in the back of a pickup truck, the Cambodian breeze blowing across my face.
22. The gift from my parents and the wifi I’ll have Christmas morning to FaceTime them.
23. No A/C
24. Giving me the eyes of a child to see His clear, simple and irrevocably rich Gospel. 
25. And finally, for Emmanuel. For God WITH us. 

This Christmas, I feel the weight of Jesus’ birth like never before. 

We get to be WITH Jesus. I get to have Jesus walk with me and hold my hand through this amazing, difficult, beautiful life. 

This is not eloquent, but y’all I am freaking bursting with the most utter joy just typing this! 

I miss comforts, don’t get me wrong, but if this is what it took to see and hear Jesus more clearly, then this has been the best Christmas gift yet. 

Thank you Jesus. For coming to us. Coming to us while we were still sinners. While we were still choosing ourselves over you. You came to be with us. And I’m so thankful. 

Merry Christmas from Cambodia. 

Before we visited these ladies’ home, my teammate prayed “Lord, the harvest is here, take us to the harvest.” (Lk. 10:2) We go to talk with these women, whom my team had talk to the day before and knew there was something special about them. A few sentences in to our conversation, the younger woman says, “I want to know about the Savior.”

We delve in to the story of Jesus and why he came. Our sin. His sacrifice. His pure love for us. We dive deep…and the women hung on to every word. After reading through some of Romans, she said, “I understand. It is clear to me. I want to follow Jesus.”