*Cue “God Bless the U.S.A.,” “God Bless Texas,” Daughtry’s “Home,” Ben Rector’s “Almost Home” and the Greatest Showman’s “From Now On.”
In just a couple days, I’ll land in New York City and the World Race will have reached its end.
There are so many things I’m excited for about being back home. Family, friends, my church home, my bed, hot showers, non-instant coffee, food, paper towels…
It’s a romanticized list that could easily go on. Soon those things will be my normal again, and the Race won’t be. I’ll understand the language being spoken around me. Meats and what they are won’t be questionable. I’ll go to Walmart instead of the local market ladies selling on the road. There won’t be street kids during school hours begging for money or food. Things will start on time, not 30 minutes to two hours later.
But there are norms from life on the Race that will not fade: feeding the hungry who come up to me or I pass by, praying on the spot for someone or something, hearing and listening to someone’s beliefs and story before speaking, seeking out those yearning to be known, seen and loved, spending close and intimate time with Lord, communing and speaking with Him, encouraging fellow brothers and sisters and also saying the hard things in rebuke, pursuing unity in the body, declaring the love of Christ over myself and others and so much more.
Before this journey began, I was terrified. Not of the different cultures or anything like that. I was terrified of God and how hard it would be. At that time, I viewed Him as God who calls us into hard things for the sake of hard things. I hadn’t been walking with as beloved daughter. I was walking with him as a begrudging employee.
I confessed to Him the day before leaving the country that I was scared He wouldn’t be enough. That He wouldn’t be enough to satisfy me. But, in that confession, I surrendered my all to Him, laying down my expectations of what He and that year would hold. I knew my view of Him was skewed. I knew I needed to see His love for me with fresh eyes.
Well, 11 months later, I can attest to promises that were experienced kept. I hungered and thirsted for righteousness, and I have been filled. The promises God makes in His word…they didn’t return void. They were all true. When I sought him with all my heart, I found him.
The year wasn’t all rainbows and butterflies. It was extremely hard. Hard to keep choosing Him. Hard to serve when I was tired or didn’t feel like it. Hard to love my community when I was hurt or annoyed. Hard to press on when physically exhausted. But I came across a quote I wrote down by Corrie ten Boom that applies to this life spent with Him:
“And so I discovered that it is not on our forgiveness any more than our own goodness that the world’s healing hinges, but on His. When He tells us to love our enemies, He gives, along with the command, the love itself.”
I didn’t do anything another person couldn’t do. The love I gave to Venezuelans, my addicted friends or whoever was sourced wholly from God. The humility it took to confess sin in front of my community was given by the Lord. The courage built to rebuke a brother was supplied by the Holy Spirit. The rejuvenated energy for ministry in the midst of sickness was a miracle of the Healer. The closeness I felt with Him was because I sought Him an ounce and He filled the rest of my cup.
This year the Lord taught me to simply “be with Him.” Whether it was time reading the Bible, journaling, sitting in a coffee shop, listening to Him speak, going on runs, dancing down the street, looking up at the stars…He just wanted to be with me as a daughter unconditionally loved and a bride unconditionally pursued.
This year the Lord taught me perseverance. When the deep pits came along, I didn’t stay wallowing. Instead of the moments becoming pneumonia, they lasted as brief colds. I praised Him before breakthroughs. My deep cried out to deep in those moments when all I wanted to do was retreat. The Word is what made this possible. Reading about Hannah, Jesus and Paul, then actually doing the things written down for us to imitate.
This year the Lord taught me vulnerability with community. Whether it was in the form of confessing sin, calling others higher, admitting hurt, asking for help or prayer, vulnerability and bringing things into the light was something God gifted me that I finally step into.
This year I learned to dream with the Lord. My passions are sparked by Him, and my desires can align with His will for my life. They may or may not come to fruition, but He wants us to dream like children with Him.
This year the Lord taught me to love people as people to be loved by Him. Sometimes friends needed to hear the gospel. Sometimes a child needed to be fed. Sometimes a refugee needed prayer for their displaced family. Sometimes a teenager needed a fun night and to be told they were beautiful and treasured.
Our multifaceted God created multifaceted people who yearn for His love but may need and receive in different ways. Even when it was trying, I had and have faith that this life of love lived moved things in the Kingdom. Whether that was harder to grasp as we taught another English class, or more obvious as a 13 year old wept in my arms, I saw God restore and move mountains.
All these moments, lessons and gifts from the Lord, I want to continue for the rest of my life. Of course, it’ll look different. Of course, it’ll be hard transitioning from life on the field to life in the States. But my prayer is that all these things grow and blossom even more.
I have no idea what re-entering the States will be like. I know Texas is still the best state ever. I know there’s still loud, political noise. I know my dogs and cats will give me a warm welcome home.
But I also know that God has been moving in people’s lives. I know that He will still pursue me with an everlasting pursuit. I know He still wants to use the Church to bring restoration to the world. I know there are still people waiting, yearning and praying for people to love them.
I leave the World Race with peace. My Father is proud of me. He has even greater things in store, even though I have no idea what they are. He loved me and taught me so well. I tasted the abundance of Jesus’ promise. I’m truly, truly thankful.
Thank you for your prayers, love and encouragement. Please pray as I walk into this new season and transition. But again, thank you for the love poured out during this year. It always helped to fill and spur me on. What a year this was.
Gracias por todos,
Kathryn Hamilton
