How does one view God?
He is an almighty creator, a loving father, a merciful savior… The list goes on.
I asked this question during a group session where we were told to ask this question, but draw our answer.
I bent my head in prayer, covered my eyes and asked God how I viewed Him. Immediately a picture was in front of me, and God and a younger self were on a softball field. He was throwing me pop-flys, and as I back-pettled to catch one thrown high and deep, I fell flat on my back. God sprinted to me, helping me up.
The vision didn’t stop there.
He asked me bluntly, “Do you want to cry and quit or get up and go again?”
I immediately jumped up in ready position, focused on the next ball to come.
Of course I wanted to go again. It was no where in my nature to quit when I failed.
“That’s exactly how I created you,” He said.
Oh how my heart soured at my Father’s words.
One week prior, God had begun his first big “chiseling” project on my World Race. Thus far on my spiritual journey, God had miraculously moved and changed my life, and in that had also called me to and away from very difficult things. From calling me away from playing college softball, a dream I had had since 8 years old, to transferring from Arkansas to ACU, and now the World Race, he revealed to me how inaccurately I had been viewing him because of these three things. These three callings had brought so many wonders into my life, but were difficult to follow nonetheless.
Especially with my transfer to ACU, I did not walk in perseverance through the hardships. I walked in pity and anger, as if God had wronged me.
I subconsciously had been viewing God as a weight. Someone who put weights on my back for the mere sake of testing, instead a loving Father who has made me free to walk joyously with Him.
Graduating college on a high note, I saw how much of my time in college I squandered, and I greatly feared doing the same on the Race.
I didn’t want to see God’s calls and wills as burdens. I knew, because of His promises in His word, that his “yoke is easy and his burden is light.” He is a Father who gives good gifts, and I earnestly wanted to see them that way!
So I released that fear to Him. I released and repented of how I had viewed his gifts and asked for new eyes to see how He had moved in my life. And oh did he respond.
He transformed my mind and replaced those fears and burdens with pure and utter joy.
But hold on, because He didn’t stop there.
Fastforward to the first week of this month, I asked God with a childlife curiousity, “What would have happened if I had kept playing softball?”
Gently He replied, “You would not be following me.”
I fell to my knees, eyes tearing in disbelief.
What? I repeated the question, and He repeated the answer.
Weeping I associate with sorrow, but these tears…these tears were a flood of absolute thankfulness.
He showed me the life of sin I would have fallen to and the long tunnel of darkness that would have consumed many years. I would have found my way back to Him eventually, but because of His call away from softball, He brought me so many life-giving things and spared me from so much.
Though I went through trials, no hardship has compared to wonderful life it is to follow and love Jesus.
Everyday I learn more and more about this love that can’t be contained. My heart is so full, and I am so thankful.
Month two in Romania is well underway, and I look forward to sharing all that God is doing in this ministry soon!
