Hey people! Sorry i did not post last week. So i owe yall two post this week! I have moved into my grandparents house and had a fantastic weekend, hopefully yall did too. So…
I am in love with the song, A More Beautiful You, by Jonny Diaz. I know it is an old song but I am just now realizing how wonderful and fantastic it truly is.
I have always struggled with my looks, and i dont think it is to far fetched to say that most girls do. My insecurities have mostly been about my weight. I have struggled with being over weight since i was about 14 or 15. I have never honestly felt comfortable in my own body. I have always felt that i needed to work extra hard in order for people to like me because of the way I look… this is a very ridiculous statement… but i believed it for so long… In my mind if i was nicer, funnier, etc., eventually people would like me and look past how heavy i was. I was fed that lie for a long time.
In seeking other peoples approval, i ended up getting crushed at several points in my life. I let people use me… they took advantage of me, and used me as their emotional punching bag at times. I was a push over and just let people tear me down. After telling myself for so long that i wasnt skinny enough or pretty enough, other lies started to come into my life. I felt like I was a failure, i had tried several times to exercise and to eat better and it would work for a little but eventually i would quit because i was trying to do it all at once and not take it step by step… and after “failing” so many times you start to feel like a failure and not even try because what is the point… i have failed the other times… what is the difference now…
All of those insecurities were straight from the devil… telling me i wasnt good enough, friendly enough, and any other cut down you could think of… it was straight from him.
I believe there is only so much a person can take of being beaten up emotionally… its hard when you feel like the world doesnt approve, but then you are beating yourself up inside too, its exhausting…
But thats the thing… i realized it after several years of feeling worthless and not good enough…
It does not matter what other people think… I am not here to please other people. I am not here to look my best, do my best, or be my best for other people… I am here for one purpose… and that is to live for God…
God could care less how skinny i am… (that doesnt mean that we shouldnt take care of our bodies. He gave them to us as a blessing and we should take care of them…)
but even if i was what the world deemed as “ugly” … it doesnt matter because God knows me, He knows what is in my heart and he loves me so very much… He sees me as his Beautiful daughter, and nothing in the world is more important than that…
I am fearfully and wonderfully made, I am the daughter of the Almighty God!
Pslams 139:14
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
