So I have a confession… I just became aware of the fact that my videos have become a cop out. What do I mean by that? Well, my videos are everything that I have been doing externally and as long as I am still posting blogs of some sort there is no need for me to process through and post what is happening in me internally. And honestly, I think the only reason I am finally writing about it all is because I am about to blow up.
Where to begin…
Well, team changes happened this week and I would be lying if I said I am ok with it. But I can say that God is CLEARLY in the middle of it all; He is pushing me off the edge of change whether I am ready or not. I felt like I was mourning a death the first day of team changes. Ok, I know I am known for exaggerating but I am here to tell you that, THAT is no exaggeration… Nikao, literally was my family, they understood me, they walked my journey thus far. How can I start over?!
So after worship the morning of changes, we were all given a piece of white paper with the names of our new team members written on it. I took it and went to a place to pray and prepare myself even more. As I was sitting with the Lord, I asked Him for a word to describe each name on the paper. I wanted to be able to open my paper and know that God had a reason for each one of the names listed on that paper. This really helped me put it in perspective. He was faithful and once I had written down all the words I decided to open the paper.
Sooooooo…. I often times think I am ok with change and all of a sudden it hits me and I lose control. Needless to say, I lost it. As I read the names, I realized that each person represented an area of my life I knew God wanted to refine. It’s hard to explain but I kid you not… it included every area of my life that needed change. On top of that, each word I had written down matched up with the names perfectly. I was mad... not because I didn’t want that team. But for two huge reasons: one, I knew I was leaving my old team, Nikao, and two, because God was pushing me further than I was ready to be pushed. Last month was a crazy growing month for me and I worked on areas of my life that I seriously thought I could never change. That being said, I kept asking God why… why, after that tough month did You throw me into this now? I realized something with my new team, God is going to use me to pour out and the last three months I was getting poured into. The first three months was about me, what I needed to change, and now this month is about others, and loving others the way God calls me to. On top of that, it was about learning how to LOVE myself, and now I can truely love others. I felt and feel so unequipped for it… how can I love others the way I am called if I have so much I still need to change? I didn’t want to be happy about the change, I wanted to sit and sulk, asking over and over, why God was taking away my comforts. God and I argued for quite a bit and then…
For lack of time… ok, actually, because it will make my blog too long and then you all would be overwhelmed and skim this blog and not actually read it, I am going to skip over some serious puzzle pieces to how God spoke this to me, but if you want to know message me….
God spoke this over me…
…Because you crave me and love righteousness, you are anointed with the oil of Joy, that you can either choose joy or you can not, and because you are women of influence, you will be a part of determining what the attitude of this team looks like. Kathryn, you do not live a life of compromise, so choose that joy I have implanted in you, and you can do that because you were made for victory.
BAM! God is piecing this crazy puzzle together for me, and I was so humbled.
So God and I ended our argument with Him asking me two questions…
“Kathryn, did you not go on the world race to leave your comforts and now you are trying to hold on to them?”
“You’re either in or out. You either trust that I am in control or you refuse it. You can accomplish what you came on the race for, or you can walk away feeling ashamed.”
THAT being said God has big things for….
DRUM ROLLLLLLLLL
TEAM RUACH! (ROO-OCK)
Ruach means breath or spirit, wind, giving life, in Hebrew. Nikao was New Testament and Ruach is going Old Testament on you! Switch up!
We got our name based off of Ezekiel 37, where it talks about God giving life to the valley of dry bones. We are declaring that we have the power in us to bring life from
not only figuratively but literally. This word from the moment we decided it has been so strong on my heart. I can feel how strong God’s spirit is on us, especially here in Mozambique. It is dark here, but we carry the light, the Spirit moves with us. As I was sitting with my new team last night at dinner, I realized how quickly I love them. Not only love them but respect them. I was sitting there almost drawn to tears with how strongly I want them to be the best they can be, it was not something that naturally came to me. I heard the other day that…
Where the Spirit is there is love.
The Spirit is on us, and through that love abounds in an unexplainable way.
My new team members-
Marian Padilla (team leader)
Jamie Smith (previous teammate of Nikao… whoop whoop)
Rachel Martin
Peter Dinh
David Mergl
Bea Ibarra
due to lack of a strong internet connection I can't add the link now to their names but check them out on The World Race page!
P.S. let me know if you think I have not been writing enough and just adding videos, keep me in check : ). Love you all!
ALSOOOOOOO I wrote this blog awhile ago but have not been able to post it so another one is coming soon, sorry they are so close together.
ANDDDDDDDDD I am a town outside Maputo in Mozambique. More about the ministy to come!
