That is what this blog will be about- Transparency.
There probably will be two parts about training camp, but this one is going to be about my emotions.
Worthy
Worthy
Worthy
Worthy
You may be asking why I wrote that four times? Well, that is how many times people have given me that word while praying over me saying that is what God is trying to tell me.
…..FOUR TIMES….
First time…I needed that.
Second time… hmm wow, thats strange.
Third time… are you serious??
Fourth time… overwhelmed with praise that MY God, MY Papa, would confirm with me over and over to rest my troubled heart.
Here comes the transparency part.
Prior to camp-
I said to myself, HOW am I worthy enough to go around the world and spread the love of God , when I can't even maintain my own relationship with Christ.
UNWORTHY haunted me.
I had been struggling with a few things these last two months, my decisions, my thoughts, my lack of strength to sustain from these things. I would time after time, repent and feel renewed and before I knew it I slid back into that same path….
What did I do on this last time a few weeks ago?
I punished myself.
I felt UNWORTHY to pray.
I felt UNWORTHY to read my Bible.
I felt UNWORTHY to be used.
I felt UNWORTHY to talk to my teammates.
I felt UNWORTHY to praise God.
I felt UNWORTHY be blessed.
I shut down, I brought God down to my level. I brought Him into my world of how relationships work. When you continually burn someone, mislead them in your actions, ask for forgiveness and change nothing, they walk away. I asked myself, "How can I play games like this with my Father."
"Kathryn, YOU are UNWORTHY."
God is not a God of our level, God is not a God that we can understand, and when we try to put Him in this box of our own comprehension, we miss out on so much.
I missed out on His unwavering Grace. His Mercy. His love.
"Kathryn, you are
not who you've
been, but that
does not
determine who
you will be, who
you will be in ME."
Restoration.
-Shalom
More to come, I am still at Training camp, I stink, I MEAN I STINK, but I am more full of life and joy than I can remember. Be praying for my team, yes, we got our team of 7, I will tell you all about it!! I am here for a total of 10 days and we have three days left. Hopefully we wont have to sleep in the rain again, with no tents.
