So, I’m going to be a typical girl here for a moment but stay with me because it was quite the break through. As you know, I am a cosmetologist. In the world of cosmetology you are expected to fit the part, in fact you are judged by your part. Look this way, act this way, talk this way, pretty much the epitome of materialistic. Rough field. Soooooooooo, in the last four years of my life, if not more, my idea of beauty was defined by how my hair looked, how my make-up looked, and what I wore. Ironically, or maybe not so ironically, my face started FREAKING out in the last few years. I mean, like, in high school, I had never suffered from acne, and now, as an adult I feel like a 14 year old going through puberty. Again, rough life, especially for someone who gets judged by her looks.
The deeper and deeper I got into the world of cosmetology, the worst it got. Granted, it was not the cosmetology that was doing it but I believe it was my heart.
At launch, I remember lying in bed, or shall we say on my sleeping pad, asking God why… WHY?! 22 years old struggling with this? I got a surprise immediate response. I felt like God was telling me that I have to learn to feel beautiful despite my preteen face because the external is not what makes me beautiful. From there, I knew I better get ready for a wild ride.
Long story short…
FRIENDS….I had a breakthrough. In Mozambique, I actually only wore make-up twice all month. I mean, usually I count only putting tinted moisturizer on as not wearing make up, but not this time. I mean I wore zero. Granted I also only looked in a mirror twice all month, which coincided with the days I wore make-up of course, but still. IT WAS WONDERFUL! I felt like a brand new person! Not only was I not worrying about how my face looked, I depended on my teammates to say, “Hey dude, you gots some crap on yo face.” OR “Girl, that white head has gots ta go!” Talk about diving into the epitome of living in community! Can I get an AMEN!?
Moving on,
SO, just to top the whole thing off, I decided why not take care of this hair issue as well. So I………..No, No, No, I did not shave my head, but I DID get my whole head braided with a weave… When in Africa, I suppose… But honestly, when else can I say I got a weave in Africa. So I did it.
YET AGAIN, I felt like a brand new person.
Fast forward…
I get to debrief in Nelspruit, South Africa, where there are mirrors and I planned on taking my weave out the second day.
The first morning, I get up, face free of make-up, look in this foreign glass hanging on the wall called a mirror, and for the first time, in a LONG TIME, or maybe ever, I feel like I am not missing something. I stand there pleased with the way God created me. I actually recall thinking how blue my eyes looked that day. Which in my book, was basically complimenting myself, big step. The longer I stood there, the more I slowly started finding other things about my appearance that I loved, like God was pulling me in and pointing out why he finds me beautiful. What I used to think would be prideful thoughts was a form of rejoicing in God’s handiwork.
I back up slowly from the mirror and consider my options for the day, to wear make-up or to not wear make-up? Is it wrong for me to want to wear make up? Is it wrong for me to want to do my hair? As I am praying and considering these questions, I start pulling out my tube of mascara and continue to put it on. Then, here is another first in life… I was not putting on mascara because I thought it was making me more beautiful, but because it was fun, I enjoyed it, and it was extenuating the unique length of eyelashes God gave me.
My heart had been changed. I can honestly say, that I, Kathryn Law, am one step closer to seeing myself the way God sees me.
Does that mean my acne filled face is magically going to be healed? Not exactly, but I do believe that God invades our existence with events and circumstances to ask Him why, to find Him in the middle of it. I also know that my outward appearance, more specifically, my face, does not consume my thoughts like it used to, which for me, is a big enough step. What does consume my thoughts is Him, creator of the one and only, unique in her own way, Kathryn Anne(with an e) Law.
I hear people who have gone on the race talk about how much their looks changed in one year. I hear people talk about other people on the race who’s looks changed on the race. Their face is lit with a new kind of beauty at the end of the race. Maybe, just maybe, the spiritual is starting to match physical.
Update: Ruach and 2:20 (the team we are with this month) landed at our ministry site outside of Manzini. I know nothing about our ministry yet, we found out later today. WHAT I DO KNOW… is I am sleeping in a round hut and we have an outhouse to use as a restroom, which apparently, if you are not careful you can fall into. I am not sure how that happens but I am hoping to not
