Donald Miller wrote that telling your story and being vulnerable is like giving the audience the knife to stab you, and then they don’t—they love you instead. I’m asking you to put the knife down for this one—I’ve never written publicly about this. I’m sorry if the ripples of this hurt others, but I have to speak this truth. Recently, I have learned that we all see the world through a different lens, this is mine. I welcome you to put on my glasses and walk with me through this.
Someone very important in my life is an alcoholic. For the purpose of this blog, I’m going to name them Been Hurt. I’m going to walk you through what I thought Been Hurt’s name was for different periods of my life. First it was Failure, then I believed it was Persecutor, then I thought it was Shame, the list goes on. For many many years my most passionate prayer was for God to heal Been Hurt of this struggle, this darkness. To change Been Hurt’s heart…but for my own purposes. To make it easier on me. I had been praying for so long for Jesus to change them, and I thought that it had gone unanswered, but all the while God’s been changing me instead.
And now I can see that their name is Been Hurt, because Jesus showed me their pain and I’m trying to meet them there. I am no longer ignoring Been’s battle, and scoffing at the thought of entering. It’s taken a long time to get to the battle front. I started at confusion street. Took a right and went on fear, which then lead to detachment. Then I found myself at anger. Then that took me onto bitterness. And then I moved right onto numbness. Once I left there I went to grief and sadness. And now FINALLY I have arrived at God. I’m going to stand in the shadow of the Most High God as we go to battle for Been Hurt. As I walk from victimhood to victoryhood.
“All this may seem impossible to you now, a small remnant of God’s people. But is it impossible for me?” Says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. To all those who have witnessed addiction you know that place of helplessness where you watch the enemy grab ahold of your Been Hurt and rip them into darkness as your lips are sealed and hands are bound.
ENTER JESUS
Yesterday I got to sit in on a group called Solo Por Hoy, which means only for today and is essentially a men’s Nicaraguan Alcoholic’s Anonymous rooted in God. I went not knowing what to expect. Solely on the call of the Lord to stay behind from planned ministry and attend this group. I thought I might feel angry, bitter, or even fearful of these men. As I introduced myself they welcomed me, and after going over the 12 steps of their program the leader asked me to speak. I took a deep breath, and spoke about the struggle and pain alcoholism has brought to my life. When I finished they clapped.
The largest, most stoic looking man with his arms folded cleared his throat and asked if he could say something to me. His eyes were fixed anywhere but on me, straight ahead. The translator posed himself. This grown man began to cry as he apologized to me and recognized the pain he had caused others in his life. He said, “you have made the best decision you could ever make in your life”, “to follow Jesus Christ”. Another one of the men responded to me and spoke with so much pain that his face was distorted. There was no negative feeling in me, only empathy and love remained.
Been Hurt is not just the person as they exist in my head. They are their own person. With their own past and their own history, their own dreams and desires. Hurt people, hurt people. And I am declaring Been Hurt free in my heart, and I can only hope that God will free them in their’s. Please join me in giving grace and love to Been Hurt, do not judge them, because they need it—they need to meet Jesus in the dark places. I love Been Hurt so much, and so desire to see them finally free. In this moment I am seeing Been Hurt more fondly and clearly than I have in quite some time.
After Solo Por Hoy I finally remembered what Been Hurt’s name was. And in that moment I realized that there is healing and redemption in alcoholism. Because I was looking at it in the faces of 11 Nicaraguan men. Because God is bigger than addiction. When the voice of the enemy that bribes the human heart to use, and abuse, and consume is silenced—that is heaven on earth. And I saw it last Friday. I saw the kingdom come, on earth as it is in heaven. And even if that were all I got to see of heaven while I’m on earth, it would be more than enough.
