I’m going to be real real, I did not want to write this blog at all. There’s a mass of emotions that come along with it, some pretty unattractive ones.
A few nights ago, as my teammates and I were settling into Da Lat, Vietnam we went out to dinner. During dinner, I noticed a middle aged man constantly glancing at our table. I smiled back at him and continued eating my dinner. When we had paid and got up to leave he jumped up from his table and approached me, asking in very broken English “where are you from?”, “where do you stay?”. He started to get very close to me and even when I started walking with the rest of the team he followed, almost in my face. In the midst of the chaos I heard one word repeatedly, “Buy”. My teammate looked at me and then at him and shocked, started to say, “goodbye” repeatedly in a loud voice. We took off in the opposite direction of our hostel to take a lap before going back.
In the whirlwind of what had happened I was only beginning to realize what had just happened. I started to walk ahead of my team, like I was trying to pace it out, and trying to create distance from what had just happened. A man had just approached me and asked me if he could buy me.
My immediate reaction was shame and embarrassment, “did I provoke that?” I looked down and I was wearing a cardigan, a t-shirt, jeans, and Tevas. Was it uncommon for people to smile at each other here? Then I got angry. Who does this man think he is, thinking I am an item available for purchase? Not only was I angry with him, but I was angry at Dad because He and I have been working a lot lately at developing a more childlike and less cynical view of the world. Then I felt filthy; I looked around and was immediately uncomfortable at a newfound awareness of the presence of men and their possible thoughts. Then I felt the heavy shoulder burden of injustice as I realized that being treated in such a way was a reality for many women in this world, they live under constant oppression and objectification.
If there is one theme I could attach to the race so far and what I have been learning, its love. Month one I had a ‘quarter-life crisis’ realizing that instead of loving people, one thing that I thought I was good at, I was trying to fix them. A big topic of discussion among racers is ‘love languages’; which are quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, and gifts. Each person’s are ordered different based on ways they receive and give love. In that, I also realized that I only loved others in ways that were comfortable to me, selfishly. After having this revelation and growing into it after month 1, at this past month four debrief last month Dad showed me through some of the my teammates that it wasn’t necessarily a “loving well” thing, but a “loving extent” thing. Through several events and incredible people, I realized a lot of things about love.
So after that experience my prayer went something like this, “Dad, you started to show me what dangerous love looks like, and I’m easing in, what the heck?” It was like, now you know how to love people you like, its time to learn to love people you want to hate. This verse from Luke 6:32 popped into my head, “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them.”
The immediate response, “pray for this man”. No. I don’t want to. Not even a little. Then out of a desperate desire to leave the emotions I was in, I started praying. Consequently, my heart dove into a divinely given empathy (trust me, there was no empathy in my human heart). Who is this man? What does his life look like, that he looks for fulfillment in such a carnal way? How much shame and self-loathing does he feel, or does he feel that at all? Man, I wish he knew Jesus. He dealt with the woman caught in adultery; surely he would know how to love this man. Show me. I wanted to talk to this man about Jesus—but wait. We are in Vietnam, it’s a closed country, and we cannot openly discuss Jesus or the Gospel. Also the likelihood that I will ever see this man again, is slim to none.
Then I realized that even if the Dad isn’t the most revered person here, he is still here, within me, and within that man. So with a sincere heart I am making the commitment to pray for this man everyday for the rest of the World Race. I don’t change hearts, so I don’t even have to be there. I know Dad doesn’t need me to bring this man to him, but I also know that he will hear me petitioning and interceding for him, and those plea’s will not fall on deaf ears.
Please make the decision to love with me, because as Martin Luther King Jr. put it, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” I’m going to ask even more of you, if you feel called to, please join me in praying for him and other souls like his who are seeking more, in the wrong places.
So to the gentleman that tried to purchase me the other night, I’m not for sale, but God’s love is free, already paid for, and it abounds. And from the depths of my soul to yours, I hope that you get to feel it one day.
