Wingapo friends! It is officially single digits until I leave for Cambodia. Today, I packed my bag. As I wrestled (more literally than metaphorically) my things into the most efficient order I could, I wrestled with the fact that I am leaving my friends and family for a year. I already wrestled with leaving comfort and certainty behind. I already wrestled with leaving my books behind (mostly, still wrestling a bit). I already wrestled with leaving my language and expectations behind. I thought I had wrestled with leaving my friends and family, but as I wrestle my bag into cooperation I realized I had only started to recently.
I want to be with my friends when they get married. I want to be with my friends when they are sick. I want to make tea for them when they are not feeling well. I want to bring over coloring things when horrible things happen that cannot be spoken. I want to make preschool crafts for my dad to hang in his office. I want to leave my sister gifts, and send her Gwin moments. I want to spend time with my brother. I want to go to their piano recitals and read them to sleep. I want to tuck them in and listen to their rants. I want to sit in silence with them when they just need someone. I want to wash dishes for my mom when she’s tired. These things are important to me.
In training we talked about saying “yes” to one thing means saying “no” to another. Right now, saying “yes” to caring with people in places I have never been to means saying “no” to showing those expressions of care for people at home. It does not mean I stop caring, but I may not be able to express it the ways that I enjoy. It means I have to find new ways to show love; what a blessing. Wrestling brings resolve. I know that it will be hard and that I do not and will not always want to do this, but I will keep going. As Isaiah says, “Here I am. Send me.”
On a lighter topic: I will be continuing “reading around the world” (for anyone who knew me from Disney) so be on the lookout for those pictures on my Facebook. Additionally, there is a group of us that are going to try to do Where’s Waldo around the world. This will also be on Facebook or Instagram (#wanderingwaldo).
