In about a week, I'll be somewhere in Tennessee with a bunch of people I've never met but know I will love. Going on the World Race and doing missions next year was not something I had to think long and hard about, but at some point, thoughts of fear began to run through my mind. What exactly is going to happen next year as I travel to foreign countries with foreign people? With constant news of what happens to people in the countries that I'm going to, what if I become one of those people?
Nobody thinks living a life of suffering and martyrdom is in their future, yet there are those who suffer and die for the name of Christ. And as out there and impossible as this sounds to me right now, what if I get raped, tortured, and killed for the sake of the Gospel? Actually, what's even scarier is knowing that if that is what's in store for me, it would be impossible for me to run from it in view of God's sovereignty. Which of course leads me to the scariest thing that could happen – the possibility of me wanting to run from God at all. Because as someone who claims to follow Christ, the possibility of having sure martyrdom in my future is not the scariest thing. The scariest "what if" is the one that reveals the depth of my faith. What if I don't want to be raped, tortured, or killed for the sake of the Gospel? What if I run when I should stay? What if my faith doesn't survive?
Jesus himself made it okay to not be super excited about going through intense suffering. Even with a reward at the end of it greater than anything, drops of blood were sweating down his face as he prayed, "Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me." But Jesus continues, "Yet not my will, but yours be done." I don't know what's going to happen next year. If suffering is in my future, I don't know if I will survive. But in the footsteps of my Savior, I pray that my faith will. Because as long as my faith survives, it doesn't matter if I don't. I pray that if suffering come upon me, I can say those same words. Not my will, but yours be done. And with the faith that is in me now, I daresay I won't run, because it's impossible to run from suffering. But as impossible as it is to run from suffering, what Christ made even more impossible to run from is the love of God. It is the love of God that leads to inevitable suffering, but it is also the love of God that inevitably leads to glory.
