“The World Race just isn’t for me. This is too much to ask. There is no way I can say yes to all of this.”
This is the exact thought that went through my mind when I crawled into my ant-infested tent after the second day of Training Camp. This was the thought that ran through my mind for the next several days of Training Camp. It was the lens I viewed every situation through. “I can’t do this. It’s just not for me.”
Just to give you a glimpse of the average Training Camp day:
We woke up and were busied with packing or having team devotionals before breakfast each morning (quick note: I am not used to waiting an hour and a half to eat breakfast in the morning. This was a struggle for me #firstworldproblems.)
Days were mostly filled with teaching sessions, which lasted anywhere between 1 and 5 hours. Y’all. It’s hard to stay awake when it’s hot and you’re emotionally and physically exhausted.
We had days focused on different cultures, which meant we ate like we would in those countries, dressed realistically, and practiced cultural greetings and language. These were both fun and challenging: Fun when we got to wear shorts and eat biscuits and jam, challenging when we had to cover everything and eat crickets.
Random rain showers (or let’s be honest, monsoons) became normal, and the towel I used to mop the water out of my tent with never dried.
On a very real, very honest note, it was an incredibly challenging adjustment to be surrounded by 45 new faces, without familiar ones to hold onto. I was trying to make myself feel like I was surrounded by family, but they weren’t my family yet and I didn’t know how to get past that stage. Before training camp, I knew it would be a hard transition, but my hope was that it would drive me to the Lord. But, even my relationship with Him was being stretched and my perspective of God was widening. It’s hard to feel like God is changing, and it’s scary to feel like your one familiar place isn’t what you’re used to. Jeremiah 17:17 says “Lord, be not a terror to me, for you are my hope in the day of doom.” I prayed this over and over again, asking the Lord to be my safe haven, to remind me that He hadn’t changed, that He was still the God that parted the Red Sea and sent His son to the cross out of love for me.
By day 7, the pity party had subsided and the Lord was being so generous and sweet to me in the midst of all my worry. He surrounded me with mentors that constantly spoke kindness and gentleness into my life. He showed me what the community I was walking into could look like. It’s so good. Each teammate slowly started to claim their own place in my heart, and the Lord instilled a confidence in me that I would never be alone this year. I have been given a new family for this season of life that the Lord has hand-picked Not only did I have 7 teammates constantly by my side to encourage, challenge, and lift me up, but I also would have the King of the Universe before, behind, and all around me in every single second. The stories I was told about life on the field made my heart beat a little faster. Stories that made me laugh, cry, catch my breath, and breath sighs of relief brought me back to the reason I signed up for the Race in the first place. I am doing this to meet the Lord in new ways, and to witness others meet God in new ways. I am here to bring the Kingdom of God to a broken generation and bring glory to the Lord.
I started to realize something,
“The World Race isn’t for me. It’s 100%, totally and completely all for the Lord. Every single moment and decision is for His glory and praise, and making it about me will only bring disappointment, loneliness, and dissatisfaction. But if I seek Him and His heart in each moment, there I will find life, joy, and peace.”
I won’t lie or sugarcoat this, these are still feelings I have: I am so scared. I am dreading the race. I don’t really want to do this. BUT, God is an all-consuming God who shows me still a more excellent way, and I am so excited for the Race! I can’t wait to see 5 new cultures, hundreds of new faces, and thousands of new pieces of the Lord’s heart.
“I was made by You. And I was made for You. And I am unfulfilled without full communion.” –Since Your Love, United Pursuit
