29 days. Letting that sink in does not feel like I thought it would.
I guess I expected that after training camp was over and after I met the launch deadline, everything would be smooth sailing. I though I would be finishing up last minute plans, seeing friends and spending time with family….and yes I am trying to do all of the above. But everything I do is with a heavy heart.
29 days till I leave my home for almost a year? 29 days till I am overseas in a country that is experiencing some crazy natural disaster that has already killed 21 people. All I can think is, I’m not ready. Not ready at all.
My last day at work was a little over a week ago and I thought it would be a relaxing and peaceful month off, but when anyone asks me how I’m doing I have to plaster a smile on my face and say I’m great and super excited to leave. But am I?
Yes, I am super excited to be reunited with my awesome squad and team (The Fellowship) but am I excited to be heading off on this journey? Honestly, right now, I am scared.
I have kind of been avoiding tons of interaction with people on my squad for fear of them seeing through the plastered on smile…probably because they are or have gone through this as well. Or if not I didn’t want to be the odd one out, the one dealing with an emotional typhoon.
Yes, God qualifies the called, not the reverse of that. But the questions going off in my head always come back to was I called? If so, why? How?
I didn’t expect my last month to be so worrisome, so hard. So full of questions and tears, but it is.
Trying to keep this blog real and honest so I will stop here or I might end up deleting everything prior to this and slapping a smile on this post.
