“For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power and of love and of a sound mind” 2 Timothy 1:7
I don’t know about you but one of the things I have a tendency to do is DWELL. I mean, I will not only analyze a situation but I will then get a bunch of other people’s analysis and analyze those as well. It is EXHAUSTING!
This past weekend I had a conversation with someone I highly respect and whose opinions I value. He is my boss in the Army and extremely hard-working, knowledgeable, and successful. In this instance we were discussing my faith which is something we have discussed a lot over the past six years that I have worked with him. This time in particular he got a bit more honest with me about his opinions. He told me that he thinks I have blind faith and that I just walk through life expecting God to take care of everything for me while not making wise decisions. He said he thinks I am going to be very disappointed and let down in life. He specifically pointed out that for the past six years I have always talked about waiting for a Godly man when it comes to my desire to get married and have a family and that God hasn’t delivered. Ouch. He actually compared me to the person who sits on his roof during a flood and says to each person who paddles by in a boat offering a ride, “No, God is going to come help me.”
So after hearing these comments from someone who I consider to have pretty good judgment about career and life…guess what happened…dwelling and DOUBT. We all have doubts at one time or another and this weekend was my big old weekend of dwelling in doubt. I feel like my foundation literally got shaken. I was questioning all of the choices I have made in the past year of leaving my job, deciding to go on this 11 month mission trip, agreeing not to date until I get back, down sizing everything I own, and putting all of my own career and personal desires on the back burner. Doubt is such an ugly thing. I felt physically burdened and heavy. I recognized the thoughts in my head were not the thoughts I usually have. Doubt does that to you..It leads you to think even more negative and destructive thoughts.
I’m sure some people reading this agree with the statements that my Army boss made and think I’m really living in a fantasy world. I don’t blame you, I even thought it myself for a second. But then I remembered all of the times God has come through for me in the past. All the times I have worried and doubted, He ALWAYS comes through. He has never and will never fail. In most cases he has changed me and my expectations instead of actually “giving me what I want.” Like in the case of marriage and family, I know that this trip is BETTER, for me, right now. I still trust Him for the future. Maybe that is why to some people it seems like I’m holding on to nothing. But they don’t know what I know: My God is ALWAYS faithful.
“For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power and of love and of a sound mind” 2 Timothy 1:7
This verse helped me through the weekend and to get past my doubts. God has not given us a spirit of fear…what are doubts? Basically fear. Fear of the unknown, fear that God won’t pull us through. Don’t listen to the voice of fear, it is not the voice of truth. God HAS given us power, love, and a sound mind. Hold on to that. In some ways we choose the reality we live in. Based on what we believe, we see what we are looking for. So yes, to someone who is not looking for God, maybe it does seem like a fantasy world. But it’s my world and I choose to stay here and trust the God who has never once failed me. That’s all I need to know. I am here to tell you that dwelling and doubting are NOT from God. Refuse to give them a place in your mind, they do not belong there. Don’t give them the power to destroy a single second of your beautiful life. Just remember: No one else’s opinion has to determine your reality.
