So, I didn’t want to share about this publicly but it is getting down to the wire and I am feeling like things may not work out the way I want them to. When I signed up for this trip, I spoke to several people in my Army unit who assured me it would be “no big deal” to take of 11 months of training for missions. It is written in to my contract that I can do this through a program called “Inactive National Guard”. I was under the impression that this was a quick, 2 week or so, process. I was wrong.
As of today my paperwork is still sitting on someone’s desk. I am freaking out. Doesn’t God know I’m a planner? (LOL). I can not believe that I am less than 2 months away from my supposed ship out date and I can’t plan for it…I honestly don’t know what will happen. For everyone who has donated don’t panic! The worst case scenario is that I will leave next July. But…I don’t want to leave in July. I want to leave in January. I’m ready now. I feel like I’m at the top of the rollercoaster and I’m just waiting…waiting…waiting…am I really going to have to feel like this for 6 extra months? I don’t know. God knows.
We all know the story of Peter walking on water…and as soon as he actually started thinking about what he was doing, he panicked and started to sink. I’m definitely Peter right now…it’s not fun. It’s so easy to tell people to “walk by faith, not by sight” but it’s actually really hard. I guess we all have the desire to control our situation and this is showing me that I am still on my own timeline and not fully trusting God. Why don’t I want to leave in July? Because I’m on my own timeline. I’m a “doer” and God is telling me to chill. UGH. I like to make a plan, set it in to motion, and go. Setbacks…are not comfortable. Actually, I would normally ignore any set backs and push through, but God has made it clear that I can not disobey the authority that he has placed over me (The Army). Until they approve my request, guess what I have to do? WAIT. MY LEAST FAVORITE WORD. So here is a crazy hard lesson that I am learning in patience and faith. I have to just chill and wait on God. 
