I’m kind of a pessimistic optimist…I plan for the worst and just plan on having a good attitude about it when it happens. This is why the past 5 months have been really difficult for me with not knowing when or if the Army was going to approve me for this trip.
I realized a while ago that I wasn’t focused on my trip. I was hardly making any new fundraising efforts. I wasn’t looking at my squad’s FB page to bond and make new friends. I wasn’t researching the gear I will need. I wasn’t looking up any of the countries I would be going to, to learn more about them. I was stuck. I was scared. I didn’t want to get all my hopes up to have them crushed.
I put all of my eggs in God’s basket on this one. I quit the life I was living and completely changed everything. Why? Because I couldn’t find that “I know I’m in the exact right place right now” feeling. I knew God was calling me to something else. In the past 5 months, I have questioned all of my decisions so many times. Did I misunderstand God’s calling? Was this a test and now I don’t get to go? I really questioned everything but God kept giving me peace and courage to just take another step…every day…just keep going…in to the unknown.
This is not where I thought I would be right now This was not a part of any of many plans and back-up plans (lol). But somehow, this past 5 months, I felt the feeling…the feeling of knowing this is exactly where I should be.
I grew up in church and everyone always says, “just trust God”. I usually like to trust him with a safety net. “Ok God, I will do this but just in case it fails…”. This past 5 months has been without the safety net because I didn’t have another plan. I had no choice but to move forward.
Every time I checked the status of my packet, I got a very annoyed sounding answer from my leadership, “As stated before, there is no further information. You will be contacted when the decision has been made.”
I was forced to face the thought of having to either not go or keep pushing the trip back further and further. Finally, I told God, “I don’t really care anymore…I’ll go, I’ll stay. It was your plan to begin with anyways and whatever happens I will make the most of it.”
I know he likes when we pray for his will above ours 🙂 He is the one who can see the future after all, but I really like to cling to my own ideas of how things should go.
Well…On Saturday, I found out I got approved!!!! YAYYYY!!!!!
I AM SO EXCITED TO BE ABLE TO BE EXCITED!!
Moral of the story: Trust God and take another step.
I haven’t figured out how to get youtube videos in here yet 🙁 but this is the theme song that goes with this post: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Niw-qA1JWeQ
