I think God must get a good chuckle out of calling the most unlikely people to do things.
Anyone who knows me knows that I HATE speaking in public.
Any time I have to even say my name in front of a group of people I secretly dread it.
Ever since I signed up for World Race I feel like it is getting more and more unavoidable that I have to speak out. I had to get up in front of a group to ask for volunteers for my fundraisers. I had to get up in front of a church group to share about my trip and ask for donations. There have been at least 4 or 5 times I have had to speak in a group because of this trip and every time I just want to curl up in a ball and hide. I stand up there and I feel like I can’t even be myself because I feel so uncomfortable and can’t wait to get it over with. So WHYYYY would God call me of all people to speak out?!!!
I’ve known God has been calling me to get over my stage fright for a while because I keep feeling like I want to share my past experiences/struggles and how having a relationship with God has gotten me through the hardest times in my life. As much as I feel burdened to share my experiences, I just haven’t been able to find it within myself to do so through speaking. In february, I had the opportunity to speak at a girl’s night for high schoolers on Valentine’s Day weekend. Once again I felt like I had to force myself out of my comfort zone for God’s glory because I know all that I have learned through past relationships is valuable for younger christian girls to know ahead of time what is in store for them as they make the transition to college. Even though I planned ahead of time what I would share, and it actually went fine, I still felt the “want to crawl up in a ball” feeling. I was like, “GOD! How can you keep asking me to do this and not help me feel confident?!”
True to his nature, he heard my prayer and answered 🙂
The next week I went to a women’s night at church and guess what the topic was….speaking up!
One of the women there spoke up in the group and shared very passionately (she was like jumping around…lol) some encouraging thoughts about speaking out. I was thinking to myself, “wow, she is so confident and doesn’t care at all what people think”.
As God would have it, I was paired with her at the end of the night to be my prayer partner. I didn’t share anything with her about my fear of public speaking but she randomly said to me, “Yeah, whenever I speak up like that I just want to curl up under my chair afterwards and hide, but I can’t let that stop me from sharing what God puts on my heart.”
DANG.
So hearing that she used the exact words that I used to describe my own feelings of discomfort I can only assume that is God’s gentle way of letting me know I am going to have to get over myself on this one and get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
THEN…
I got this little pink painted rock at the end of the night with a bible verse reference. When I looked up the verse (Song of Songs 2:14) it said:
“My dove is hiding behind the rocks, behind an outcrop on the cliff. Let me see your face; let me hear your voice. For your voice is pleasant and your face is lovely.”
When I read this I realized my fear stems from a desire to be accepted…I don’t want to share my thoughts outloud and in person because…I don’t know that other people want to hear my voice (opinion). I don’t know how I will be perceived all the time. I like to write because if someone doesn’t care…they can just not read it. But as a christian and follower of God…I know that my thoughts have to be in agreement with scripture. So if scripture says that to God, my voice is pleasant and he wants to hear my voice, that has to be enough for me.
A week after that night, I got a call from a close friend asking me to speak to a group on May 2 at a fundraiser that she is helping me plan. Of course I’m dreading it…but I think this time I am just going to do it without allowing myself to think about what other people are thinking about me.
So that’s pretty much what I have been learning recently and working on getting over myself so that I can confidently communicate what God has done and is doing in my life!
