A couple months ago I had coffee with a World Race alumni to hear about her experience on the race. One thing she said that stood out to me was that I need to find an “anchor”. She said there will be days on the race where I will forget the reason why I am there. There will be days that are difficult and I will wonder why I made the decision to go. She suggested that I write it down somewhere so that I can always go back to it.
I specifically remember feeling so strongly about the trip and so excited that I was certain I would not loose focus. Now, several months later, I realize I already have. I guess I just got so used to the idea of going on the trip that I started taking it for granted, so when the Army didn’t approve it in time for January I had to face my lack of gratitude for having this privilege. It made me realize that I am not entitled to be able to go on this trip but am privileged that God has called me to such an exciting and adventurous mission.
A lot of people have been telling me how brave I am and building me up for taking this leap of faith…and I’ve been enjoying the attention. Until now, when I realize that it started to become about me and my experience. I don’t want this to be for my glory. I don’t want to go in to this with all my pre-determined ideas, expecting something from God for doing his work. I want to just go. I want to go for Him, not for me.
It’s so easy to loose focus and become self-centered. I’m sure this won’t be the last time God has to give me a wake up call about it. So I have decided to share my “anchor”. The reason I am going on this trip. The thing that will keep me focused and will get me through the difficult days and the times when I can’t see the purpose for this.
I am going on this trip to find out more about God and to see Him at work in different cultures. I want to get closer to Him and I want to take Him seriously when He says to leave everything and go and serve. I know leaving everything I know behind and going to some of the poorest places on earth for 11 months is going to definitely change my perspective on God and strengthen my faith in general. I hope I will get so lost in Him that I will stop thinking about me and my wants and needs and just become the girl He made me to be.
