December 7, 2017. We finished our first job of our new ministry: decorating the classroom doors for Christmas. After ministry, I took about 3 hours and just spent some time alone with Jesus. Two hours of that time I was reading Genesis and my mind was completely blown.
My teammates Ashley and Hannah encouraged me to ask God questions while I read the Bible for a challenge and to share it with the team. It was so cool. That morning I was feeling groggy and dry like I was drained and almost burnt out spiritually and physically. So, doing this it definitely sparked something in my soul. I felt empty in a way and forgot how the Lord does actually answer if we’re willing to ask the questions. I guess I was taking the easy route and wasn’t asking questions or digging deeper because I was afraid of not hearing anything back. By thankfully, I was challenged and I love a good challenge. I was reading the story in Genesis of Cain and Abel and I stopped to ask God why Cain killed his brother. This led to many other questions like: why did you allow this to happen? Why was this so violent and so random right after the beautiful creation story? He reminded me of the sermon and video I watched in Cambodia of Steffany Gretzinger, a singer from Bethel, sing King of my Heart by John Mark McMillan. She asked God some hard questions while she read Genesis, too and what God revealed to her was remarkable. She asked God why He even created the tree of knowledge of good and evil in the first place if He knew Eve would eat from it and start the fall of humanity? He told her that He loves us so much that He gave us free will, a choice, to love Him. He didn’t us to be his robots that were programmed or forced to love him. True love is a choice and he gave us that freedom because He loves us so much. He wants us to have genuine love for Him. And all of the pain and suffering that comes with it, was still worth it.
So after reminding myself of this I went back to the story of Cain and Abel and reread it. He revealed some new things to me the second and third time around. God actually tried to warn Cain of the enemy and sin before it even happens. Genesis 4:7 explains what God told Cain, “If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.”
Unfortunately, Cain still kills his brother in the field later in the story l. The fall of humanity kickstarted the sin that came over the earth and God gave Cain the choice to choose love or to choose anger. He allowed Cain to make his own decisions, just like he gives us the freedom to have free will.
After God asks Cain where his brother is and tells home that he knows he killed him, God curses him and drives him away from that land, making him a wanderer and hides his presence from Cain. Cain cries out and says, “this punishment is more than I can bear. Today you are driving me from the land, and I will be hidden from your presence; I will be a restless wanderer on the earth, and whoever finds me will kill me.”
Basically he’s declaring and inviting anyone to harm him and kill him because being separated from the Father’s presence was worse than death. And I believe that, I wouldn’t wish anyone to be separated from Him. BUT, the Lord replies to him, “Not so; anyone who kills Cain will suffer vengeance seven times over.” Then the LORD put a mark on Cain so that no one who found him would kill him.” Genesis 4:15. This is were I was confused again. Why did he protect him even after he just murdered his brother? BECAUSE HE LOVES US AND HIS MERCIES ARE NEW EVERYDAY!!!! It amazes me how He forgives. It doesn’t make sense, but that’s how His grace works and he freely gives it to us even when we don’t deserve it. This is one of the first stories of God’s great love and mercy for His creation.
No matter how broken you may feel, how sinful you think you are, and how many times you have failed, the Lords mercies are new every single day. And His grace and love washes over you today, just as it did over Cain that day in the beginning.
“You are good” this lyric from King of my Heart gets me every time. It’s so simple, but holds so much deliverance and freedom in it. When you declare and shout this out loud, it breaks chains and Steffany Gretzinger explains this in her sermon. It rewires the way we think of the Father. It reminds us that He truly is good.
“The only thing in my entire life that was greater than my fear was my conviction. I knew He was who He said He was even if I hadn’t experienced Him in a certain way yet. Even if my understanding of Him was small, I knew He wasn’t. Sometimes we sing something because we’re sure of it and sometimes we sing something until we know. So, we sing this until we know that He is good and was even before the garden.” When you sing the lyrics to this song or declare His word, you’re choosing to believe He’s good even if you don’t see it right away. You’re choosing to love Him and praise Him even when it hurts and it’s confusing. You’re choosing that genuine and messy love that God is all about.
Lord thank you for answering my questions and taking me deeper than I ever thought I could go with you. Thank you for never letting me down and forgiving me when I let you down. You are a God of mercy, grace, and goodness thank you for sharing that with us. Thank you Holy Spirit for raging inside of me when I listen to this song and declare goodness in Your name.
“Let the King of my heart
Be the mountain where I run
The fountain I drink from
Oh-oh, He is my song
Let the King of my heart
Be the shadow where I hide
The ransom for my life
Oh-oh, He is my song
You are good, good, oh-ohh
You are good, good, oh-ohh
You are good, good, oh-oh-ohh
You are good, good, oh-ohh
Let the King of my heart
Be the wind inside my sails
The anchor in the waves
Oh-oh, He is my song
Let the King of my heart
Be the fire inside my veins
The echo of my days
Oh he is my song
You are good, good, oh-ohh
You are good, good, oh-ohh
You are good, good, oh-ohh
You are good, good, oh-ohh
You’re never gonna let
Never gonna let me down
You’re never gonna let
Never gonna let me down”
