So, I’ve been in Guatemala for about a month now and it’s still blowing me away, it’s so beautiful. My whole squad of 40 something people and our two squad leaders are all living together again and I’m so thankful because we feel like a big family. We are the first squad to live at this new AIM base here in Guatemala and the staff and mentors that work here are such a blessing. They hold so much wisdom and they love us so well. I’m so thankful to be here and be discipled by these amazing men and women of God everyday.
The first two weeks here in Guatemala were probably the toughest and most confusing time I’ve had on the race so far. My team and I faced a lot of spiritual warfare and to be honest I had no idea how to handle it. Being in the fire is never really easy or fun, but it’s so worth it.
It actually started the second month of Honduras and it carried into Guatemala. It was a scary time for me and for my team. We would wake up in the middle of the night terrified, even paralyzed by this unnecessary fear and darkness that lingered in our room. And after almost a month of battling it, I was pissed. I was mad that the enemy was taking away our joy, rest, comfort and peace.
BUT, I grew so much through this and I’m still learning.
God showed me that I was believing lies from the enemy about my identity and about who He is. He gave me a vision of the foundation I had built my life on and God had a pick axe in His hand chipping away the lies that I believed and filled in His truth as the cement to build me up again into how He wanted. And it hurts and it’s not very fun, but so worth it.
During those long, scary nights I forgot who I was, the inheritance and authority I have by just simply being a daughter of Christ, and I lost sight that God was with me and that He was good.
Through lots and lots of tears, prayers and conversations with the Lord, my family, mentors and teammates: It all finally helped me realized and take hold of His truth. And I cling so tightly to Him and His truth now I don’t think I’ll ever let go (at least I pray I won’t).
One of the people at the base, Gabe, said this during his session and it really changed my perspective, “The Lord is wanting to develop something in you while you’re in the fire. Don’t ask him to take you out of the fire because he’s producing gold/ something incredible.”
He reminded us of when Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were in the fire. They went into the fire, bound, and came out unbound and without any signs of being in fire. It says they didn’t even smell of smoke and the most powerful man of that time saw the Lord because of their faith and surrender to the Lords plan.
And God really is good no matter what the situation or circumstance looks like. The times when it’s hardest to believe this, are the times that will grow you the most.
If you allow yourself to be tested and put in the fire, it will produce that steadfastness, perseverance and amazing faith that God wants us to have.
It also gives us an opportunity to go above and beyond what we’re feeling, what our past experiences have made us believe, and activate the offensive weapon that is the word of God to strike down what the enemy is trying to hinder us from doing. Thank you Jesus that neither height nor depth or anything in all of creation can separate us from your love (Romans 8).
My relationship with God definitely strengthened through these moments and it did with my teammates as well. It humbled me when I had to wake another person up in the middle of the night I pray, even when I knew they weren’t getting that much seep either. It caused me to be venerable and honest with myself and reality. And He created us for community. We don’t have to do this thing alone!
Now, every night and every morning I envision this white flag of surrender on a hill. It’s waving in the control of the wind and it’s completely humbling for me. And, it’s takes all the pressure off of me. It reminds me that He WILL go before me and He IS going before me and fighting so many battles for me, things seen and unseen. It reminds me that I don’t have to carry those burdens that once hindered me. It reminds me that I am His and He is mine forever. It reminds me that I may be hard pressed on every side BUT never crushed.
