With each passing day I continue to press in deeper to our Father’s love. With each passing day I begin to ask myself big questions. Questions like, what does it mean to live radically for Christ? What does it look like to not seek after your own heart but His instead? What does my future hold? What is His Kingdom vision for this life we graciously get to live? My mind swirls with so many thoughts. All that is certain for me is the truest form of passion I feel when it comes to loving Jesus. A burning passion that ignites my soul with sweet forms of worship, quiet mornings with the Lord, and moments in the nighttime where my knees hit the floor because of the grace our King continues to pour out.
I love the Lord with all my heart but recently I’ve begun to feel the enemy tugging at me. Chasing me down, attempting to bruise my heels. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night with an immense amount of anxiety and dread as I realize I have to reach a $5,000 deadline in June. I have been discouraged by others in this process. I have felt the enemy remind me that I could fail and then what’s left to do? Was it because I didn’t pray hard enough? Or because I didn’t trust in the Lord enough? The enemy uses money as a way to break us down. The enemy uses insecurity as a weapon against our hearts. Fear is a very strong feeling. A feeling that can seem to crush your soul instantaneously.
Here’s the thing though, the Father I have continued to chase after in these vulnerable moments never fails to still my soul. I am dependent on Him, not on man. These lies that the enemy yells at me are nothing but lies. The enemy is nothing. My God is everything. He is the one who provides for me. He is the one who loves and He is the one who crushes the enemy. In 2 Corinthians 12 verse 9-10 Paul writes, “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
The discouragement and the fear I feel when I think of failure has been nagging at me. The anxiety I’ve begun to feel has been super prevalent. Despite these trials, it leads me to dig deeper in His word. For He has nothing but good plans for me. I’ve come to the truest form of realization that when I hand my weaknesses over to the Lord the enemy is no longer welcome. Instead of turning towards others for comfort, I’m learning to lean on Him solely. When we fall in step with the truth of His word and live it out within our daily life we continue to draw close to Him. Through my weakness He gives me strength and my faith continues to grow strong. He speaks to us through the word and He has our best interests at heart. When I reach my fundraising goal of $15,800, it will be epic. Until then the Lord continues to amaze me and I will continue to give Him praise for all His goodness.
{ “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” – 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 }
