Following the Lord has required me to give up all fleshly desires and seek the Kingdom continually. Over the past few weeks I was faced with a decision. A decision to no longer continue the pursuit of launching for World Race Gap Year. I returned from training camp filled to the brim with love and was drenched in the Spirit. Yet, there was something the Lord was bringing to the table that I kept shoving to the side. I wasn’t in a stable place financially to meet the next deadline to launch. I pressed into Him, crying out, asking Him to provide a way. I was asking Him to provide financially for me. Then it dawned on me over the course of a few sleepless nights that He is so big. So powerful. If His will was for me to leave for nine months the continual walls I was being faced with would be knocked down. But they weren’t being knocked down, in fact they were getting taller.
To no longer leave for nine months and travel to four different countries? What do you mean Papa? I’ve been planning on this. We’ve been planning on this. I surrendered college. I surrendered my finances. I was willing to surrender my family. I was willing to surrender the comforts of home. I surrendered my fears. I thought I surrendered everything. I was ready to go and love others. To go and proclaim the good news to the nations. This isn’t what you want for me Papa? He simply replied, “I’m glad you were willing to surrender it all my child. But I have others plans for you.”
So I continued to ask, what about my donors? What about everyone I’ve told? Everyone who prayed for me? Everyone who poured love over me? I have to tell them I’m not going? I have to tell my squad? The brothers and sisters I only just met? My sweet Gap U? I have to leave them? He simply replied, “Yes.”
So here I am. It’s been almost a month now. I’ve felt His peace. I’ve seen Him opening other doors for me. He’s teaching me. He’s reminding me that it’s never about me and my silly pride. Pride must go. It’s never about comfort. It’s about resting in His simple promises. Promises like I will never leave you nor forsake you. Promises that He is everything I need and with Him I lack nothing.
Let me be insanely honest. The past few days I have been seeing World Racers get ready to launch. A part of my heart feels shattered. I’ve felt lost, and there is a tang of sadness hard to explain. So I continue to cry out to Jesus. To no longer ask for reasons why or to force His hand in showing me what’s next but to simply trust. To wait upon Him with a willing and obedient heart. To trust my story is still in the works because He promises to bring to completion the good works He started in me.
To my sweet Gap U brothers and sisters,
Our Papa is so good. I’m thankful for the time shared. The relationships built, the prayers we cried out together, the songs we sang together, the testimonies we shared. It’s all in my heart forever. The new adventure He has you on is a sweet one filled with loads of goodness. You all know that. I will continue to be praying over each and every one of you. I love you all tremendously.
To the people who supported me,
Thank you. Thank you for seeding into His Kingdom. For praying over me, for listening, for donating, for being cheerful givers. My heart is so incredibly thankful for each and everyone of you.
Stay tuned for some more blog posts. The Lord is doing some radical stuff continuously. If you have any questions, you know where to find me! All glory be to Him.
