To the person I am begging to hold on,
I am so sorry you’re feeling this way. Empty. Broken. Unworthy. Alone. I have been there too. I have gone through seasons where I saw no point in living. I know the exhaustion you’re experiencing. Not leaving your bed for weeks because living life is simply too hard.
I know all too well about the battle happening in your mind. The constant back and forth of “nobody will care if I’m gone” and knowing you’ll hurt the ones who love you most if you chose to leave this life.
I know how annoying the clichés get. I know you’ve heard, “just wait… it’ll all get better.” What a cop out. I know the feeling of waiting for it to get better. Waiting in pain.
But here I am, on the other side of things. It has gotten better. Was it easy? The farthest thing from it. Was it worth it? Yes.
If you would’ve asked me two years ago, ‘where do you think life will take you?’— I probably would’ve answered I plan to go college, get a job, and have a family one day. In my head, I would’ve thought I don’t know how much longer my life will be so I haven’t really thought that far ahead. Life will take you places you could never imagine, if you give it the chance to. Here I am today, writing to you begging you to give your life a chance. Yes, there will be hard days, but there will also be days full of pure happiness. There have been days I wasn’t sure how I’d make it through, but I’m still here, and so are you. Thank you for fighting. You are brave and I am proud of you.
Your life has so much potential. You are here for a purpose and nobody can take your place. God will use you and your story to do amazing things. You are enough. You are a masterpiece- created in the perfect image of God. The Lord will not give up on you.
Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Matthew 6:26
You are far more significant than the birds and they are still taken care of. God has not forgotten about you. He has a plan for your life and will take care of you.
Depression is a liar and makes you lose sight of these truths. Depression is not your identity.
In the midst of the darkness, I was unable to see the light. To see what God was doing for me. I found myself mad at Him. Crying out, “where are You?”.
He was always there and always will be. The night I was ready to end it all, He was there. I got in my car with no destination in mind and He took control of the wheel. I ended up at my grandma’s house 45 minutes away from home. My cousins were staying there, but they were already asleep. God knew I couldn’t leave this earth without saying goodbye to them. My grandma met me with compassion, grace, and the biggest hug. God knew I needed to feel this love and through her, He showed me what Jesus looks like. God gave me the courage to ask for help and provided me with the support and medication I needed to get back to living life.
You may not see the light right now. But I promise God is present and He is good. Always.
Here’s my prayer for you:
Lord, I pray that your child knows they are seen, they are heard, and they are loved. That no matter what they have done, nothing can separate them from Your love. Remind them they are worthy. Worthy of life. Help them see themselves as You see them- a masterpiece. When they feel like giving up, remind them, they are here for a purpose even if they can’t see that right now. Be the light in this seemingly never ending darkness. Bring them comfort. Bring them peace. You promise to be near the broken-hearted, please make Your presence known. Provide them with what they need. Whether that be someone to listen, therapy, medication, or anything else to pull them out of the darkness and give them hope for the future. Amen.
All my love,
Kate
