Oh the life
of a pre-missionary! I had little idea what I stepped in to. I feel as if I am on one gargantuan roller
coaster that has no end. There are days where I am encouraged, support is
coming in, fundraisers are successful, friends love on me. But then there are
days I feel I don’t have what it takes to keep going, I see no end to the
support letters, the speaking arrangements, the fundraising planning, or the
endless to do list that only seems to grow. And yet in all of this I must be
still. At times, I want to scream and say how do I quiet my mind from
constantly going through my mental to do’s, or to just crawl under the covers
in my bed to escape the madness. And still, there is God constantly beckoning
me to Him… “just be still, Kate. Have you forgotten my promises to you already?
Did I not declare to you that I would provide? Will you let me be in control?”
I call it the constant battle of my heart and mind. It makes me realize how human I am, but is
that so bad?
I recently read
the passage in Acts 20:7-12 that speaks about a young man who fell asleep
during one of Paul’s sermons, fell out a three story window, and died! Of
course deep down in side I feel as if I could relate this guy out of all Bible
characters at the moment! I mean, there are just day s I feel I crashed landed
out of a three story window! I have to say I am laughing about this right now
because think, you get your own little place in all of Scripture and it’s of
you falling asleep and then out the window you go! It sounds so crazy, but in a
way its not. I love how this passage shows our humanness and frailty. See, I
would feel like a horrible Christian…to fall asleep in the famous Apostle
Paul’s sermon, and yet it’s like God understands us right in the midst of our
weakness and still has mercy over us! Why? I guess cause God doesn’t call us to
perfection, but just to love Him. That young man could be off partying it up
and doing God knows what, and yet he was sitting on a window seal with a heart
yearning to know more about this Savior Paul spoke of.
So back to
the story when this guy falls out the window and dies, Paul races down and
throws his body over this young man. Miraculously, the young man is brought
back to life! This is what I think is so awesome, it wasn’t Paul who healed,
but rather it was God. This guy in no way deserved death for being human and
tired! God understands us and our hearts
and our motives better than we even get them ourselves! It’s so comforting to
know that in the midst of our imperfection and tiredness, God’s love and
compassion covers all of our weakness and He raises us back to life again! So
embrace being an imperfect human, for we are loved so preciously much by our
Creator!
